Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

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December 29, 2012
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Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 12-31-12


Last spring when I ordered baby chicks for this year’s pullets, I included 10 straight-run Silver Spangled Hamburgs in my order. These are beautiful little black and white mottled chickens that love to range far and wide. As it turned out, my 10 Hamburgs were split right down the middle with five pullets and five roosters.

I spared the hatchet on the two best looking roosters and kept them for breeders and turned the unfortunately three into a fine pot of chicken and noodles.

Now, Hamburgs are known as steady layers of small white eggs. That is a true description, but for the five pullets in my flock, they do not like to lay their eggs with the other chickens in the hen house.

To date, I’ve found four hidden nests of their all-white eggs. I found 26 in one nest, 18 in another, 8 in still another, and a final nest with just three eggs. These nests were hidden in various dark places in the assorted sheds and barns on the place, and the three-egg nest was nestled down in the bottom of a coil of welded garden fence that I wuz storing upright for the winter. The hole down through the coil of wire wuz so small I never could figger out how those little hens got down to the bottom and then flew or crawled out the top. Let’s just say they were creative and persistent.

To help solve the problem, for the last week I’ve not turned the flock out of the hen house to free-range until after 11 a.m. I think it’s working as I’ve been gathering several of the Hamburg eggs each day along with the other eggs and I’ve not spied any hidden nests.

Since I didn’t know how old the eggs I found were, and I wuz certain that it had frozen some nights, I didn’t let the “found” eggs go to waste, but fed them as a welcome treat to my Brittany bird dogs, Annie and Liv.

e_SBlt

I think I’ve come up with a bizness opportunity that is sure to be a hit in rural America. It will be a string of franchised farm and ranch supply stores. I won’t even have to raise any capital for the biz because I’m sure I can get a hunk of new, free stimulus bucks from the federal government after the threat of the fiscal cliff is averted at the last second.

The key feature of my new string of F/R stores is that everything you take to the checkout counter is free because the guy behind you pays the bill. How clever is that?

Now, I just have to come up with a clever name for my franchise stores.

e_SBlt

Thanks to the kind reader who e-mailed me this story:

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the pasture through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and, finally, the rancher agreed to take half of what he was initially asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, “You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”

The old rancher replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself because that durned bull wandered home this just morning.”

e_SBlt

And, thanks also for this one:

A middle-aged farm wife decided to sue her local hospital, saying that after her husband was treated recently, he has lost all interest in her, except to ignore her.

At the conclusion of the civil trial, the judge threw out her lawsuit after a hospital spokesman testified that her husband wuz admitted to the hospital in the ophthalmology department and his only treatment wuz correcting his eyesight to 20/20 vision.”

e_SBlt

Last weekend ol’ Nevah and I traveled to the University of Tulsa to see our eldest granddaughter graduate with a degree in geosciences. She’s now searching for a job in the petroleum industry. I told her that by graduating she had now entered the world of academia. But, I also told her that by graduating and looking for a real job she had also exited the world of academia.

I think those homegrown words of wisdom will work to conclude this week’s column. I hope you survived the Christmas holiday and the Mayan end of the world prophesy in fine fashion and are prepared for the New Year. It may be one for the record books.

Have a good ’un. ❖

I told my granddaughter that by graduating she had now entered the world of academia. But, I also told her that by graduating and looking for a real job she had also exited the world of academia.




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The Fence Post Updated Dec 29, 2012 04:10AM Published Dec 31, 2012 10:29AM Copyright 2012 The Fence Post. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.