Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

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January 28, 2013
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Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 1-28-13


We folks in the Flint Hills are experiencing another bout of yo-yo weather. We’ve gone from temperatures in the 50s and 60s, down into the low-teens, then up into the 50s and 60s again, and in two days it’s predicted to get down to 10 degrees.

About the only weather we’re not getting is moisture. There’s none in the forecast for the next week. I wish we could get some of the excess moisture that’s flooding folks in the South, even our daughter in Pigeon Forge, Tenn.

Such is Kansas weather.

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My ol’ buddy, Lon G. Horner, is one of my steady egg customers. And, he recently related to me a true story about my eggs and a lady houseguest of the Horners from Tulsa, Okla., who wuz a college classmate of Mrs. Horner.

As background, my egg customers are accustomed to returning their used egg cartons each time they buy eggs. As a consequence, most of the egg cartons are hopelessly outdated as per the use-by expiration date printed on them.

So, anyway, the lady houseguest rose early one morning and decided to boil herself an egg for part of her breakfast. However, when she took the egg carton from the fridge, she looked aghast at the 2006 expiration date printed on it.

Deciding that boiling a 6-year-old egg for breakfast didn’t sound too delectable to her, she politely returned the carton to the fridge, then mentioned the outdated eggs to Mrs. Horner. That’s when they both had a good laugh.

Just goes to show that city folks are increasingly out-of-touch with their food supply.

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Here’s a story about how differently men and women process things in their minds. It’s a story about a young ranching couple, five years into a good marriage. To set the scenario, the husband spends the day at a team roping, while his good wife spends the day buddying with her sister in a nearby town. They make arrangements for hubby to pick up wife on his way home and plan to eat out.

When they get home, here’s what the wife writes in her diary.

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to eat at a nice restaurant on our way home. I spent the day with Sis, so I thought he might be upset at the fact that I told him that I’d bought a new blouse and skirt that day, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn’t flowing on our drive home from the restaurant, so I suggested that we have a little talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. So, I asked him, “what’s wrong, honey?”

He said, “Nothing,” but I thought it sounded a little curt. Then I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

As we drove up the lane to our home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.”

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He tossed and tumbled after he got to bed. I cried after he finally went to sleep. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Here’s what her husband was thinking the entire afternoon and evening. “How could I have missed a head loop on a slow steer running straight away from me?”

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Since the federal government seems to ignore the Second Amendment to our Constitution on the grounds that gun control will make all of us safer, here’s some recent statistics on murder rates in nations around the world that have legislated 100 percent gun control. The statistic behind the country’s name is its murder rate per 100,000 population.

Remember, ALL the countries listed above America have 100 percent gun bans in place. Honduras 91.6; El Salvador 69.2; Cote d’lvoire 56.9; Jamaica 52.2; Venezuela 45.1; Belize 41.4; U.S. Virgin Islands 39.2; Guatemala 38.5; Saint Kits and Nevis 38.2; Zambia 38.0; Uganda 36.3; Malawi 36.0; Lesotho 35.2; Trinidad and Tobago 35.2; Colombia 33.4; South Africa 31.8; Congo 30.8; Central African Republic 29.3; Bahamas 27.4; Puerto Rico 26.2; Saint Lucia 25.2; Dominican Republic 25.0; Tanzania 24.5; Sudan 24.2; Saint Vincent and the Grenadines 22.9; Ethiopia 22.5; Guinea 22.5; Dominica 22.1; Burundi 21.7; Democratic Republic of the Congo 21.7; Panama 21.6; Brazil 21.0; Equatorial Guinea 20.7; Guinea-Bissau 20.2; Kenya 20.1; Kyrgyzstan 20.1; Cameroon 19.7; Montserrat 19.7; Greenland 19.2; Angola 19.0; Guyana 18.6; Burkina Faso 18.0; Eritrea 17.8; Namibia 17.2; Rwanda 17.1; Mexico 16.9; Chad 15.8 ... and on and on through 60 more nations. The list ends with the United States of America at 4.2.

Just a little food for thought.

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So, I’ll close for the week with these words of wisdom from Sam Ewing. “Inflation is when you pay 15 dollars for the 10 dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.”

Have a good ’un. ❖




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The Fence Post Updated Oct 16, 2013 03:11PM Published Jan 28, 2013 04:44PM Copyright 2013 The Fence Post. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.