Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 4-1-13
April 1, 2013
Cowboy logic can occur even in fellers who aren't cowboys. Take the two hombres who landed "way out west" in Bozeman, Mont., not so long ago. One from Florida (Dave), one from Pennsylvania (Jason) and one of the wives from Ohio (Susie?). This trio had brainstormed a "family business." The brainstorming was a jaw-bumper session much like a cowboy might approach an idea. Which is to say reason and common sense went out the window and cowboy logic entered.
It all started as a joke. There they were tossing around dumb ideas (kinda like cowboys out back of the chutes talking about their next bull ride). Dave and Jason had planned to create a television/YouTube skit about a mobile eatery they intended to label "Roadkill Road Coach." As the scheme blossomed, Dave and Jason decided, hey, why not actually start a business! Heck, movie companies, assorted events — everything from horse shows, mule days, weddings, parades, and those ever-recurring runs where the young and fit group up like a herd of buffalo and stampede across country — would provide an endless pool of customers!
Why not? When Dave and Jason saw an ad for an equipped food truck, they followed up. Ouch! The seller wanted an astronomical amount of money. Did that phase the pair? Naaaa. (Remember I said they were a lot like cowboys). Dave and Jason fired up handy computers and searched the whole U.S. through online addresses. Aha! A mobile food truck for sale, described as in great shape, low mileage, a dream vehicle … Where was it? In Rhode Island. Not a problem. Like planting a foot in a fresh cowpie, cowboy logic once again took over. The plane fare would be an "investment." They loved the Rhode Island truck. How does one get a mobile food truck from one side of the continent to the other? I told you … cowboy logic.
If two guys can have more fun than a pair of knuckle heads tooling from the east coast to Montana, I've not yet met them. Well, maybe I have. I've encountered cowboys who've driven that far with a horse in a trailer just to get in on another rodeo.
Suffice to say Dave and Jason are now the proud owners/operators of "Home Cookin' on a Mobile Kitchen — Everything on a Bun." Like cowboys with corral lingo, the intrepid pair have developed eatery lingo. One of 'em's the cook, the other takes orders and is master of keeping condiments, onions, pickles, sodas, and what-not restocked. The menu is slim but varied and all of it tasty.
Order a burger and Dave shouts to Jason (or maybe the other way round, I'm not sure which was which) "One Moo Patty!"
Jason shouts back, "One Moo Patty comin' up!"
Should you want a cheese burger, Dave hollers, "Need a Gooey Moo!"
Choose a pulled pork or pulled chicken sandwich and the ear drums vibrate to, "a Stressed Pork!" or "a Stretched Chicken!"
"Zesty Chicken" is chicken in a blanket ("Zesty Chicken" is the cleaned up version of "Sexy Chicken"). (This is a family business).
Want a chili covered hotdog? You'll hear, "Cold Dog!" (A not very good pun on the word, "chili").
A plain dog ordered? Listen for, "Lonely woofer!"
And if you dare try the Polish hotdogs, you'll hear a musical, "One Government Dog!"
Gotta admire honchos like these. Good luck fellas. ❖