Gwen Peterson: A new miracle weight loss pill could be “the answer” | TheFencePost.com

Gwen Peterson: A new miracle weight loss pill could be “the answer”

Gwen Petersen
Big Timber, Mont.

How to lose blubber, tighten a saggy belly, get rid of flab and otherwise obsess about excess adipose tissue has created industries that continue to expand — pun intended.

You can't read a newspaper, magazine or billboard without being urged to try yet another diet, sign on for exercise at the gym or eat a magic berry that will guarantee you'll lose weight while you sleep­­ – yeah, right.

Think about it. Fat is a huge business. Friendly Fred has jumped on the gravy train. He's invented yet another sure-fire diet plan…

Friendly Fred's Amo, Amas, Amat Diet Plan

“You can’t read a newspaper, magazine or billboard without being urged to try yet another diet, sign on for exercise at the gym or eat a magic berry that will guarantee you’ll lose weight while you sleep.”

A revolutionary weight loss breakthrough!

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Invented by Friendly Fred.

A new vegetable developed on his farm

Fred's commercial said.

It's genetically modified to skim the fat

Off one's waist forever.

It's gluten free and lactose tolerant

And grows in any weather.

Fred gave his Veggie a Latin name

"Amo, Amas, Amat"

It contains no dairy, eggs or peanuts,

Shellfish it is not.

Fred mashes Amo, Amas, Amat

Into a veggie pulp

And packs it into gelatin capsules

That you're encouraged to gulp.

Amo, Amas, Amat will trim

Your hips, your thighs, your belly

You will slim down lean as the post

That's holding up your telly.

Amo, Amas, Amat's been "tested"

In a "clinical setting"

A focus group swallowed the pills

And most have stopped bed-wetting.

Just send ten dollars to Friendly Fred

And he will send right back,

A supply of Amo, Amas, Amat

In a handsome turquoise sack.

Friendly Fred is growing rich

Off Amo, Amas, Amat

Like Donald Trump's rude rhetoric,

The air he blows is hot.

Onward into the fog….❖

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