Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

Back to: Opinion
March 31, 2014
Follow Opinion

Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 3-31-14

I goofed around this winter and let my hair (what I have left of it) and beard (pretty scraggly at best) (both totally gray) grow to lengths they haven’t been in decades, perhaps all my life.

As the weather began to warm up, I began to tire of my hirsute appearance.

But, before I trimmed both beard and hair for the upcoming spring, I decided to have a little photo fun with friends and family. First, I got my hair frizzy with static electricity and “froze” it into place with some of lo’ Nevah’s hair spray, fluffed up my beard as best it would, and had ol’ Nevah take a picture of me with the “maddest” look on my face that I could muster up.

The result? I looked like a complete deranged, madman in the photo. Then I sent it to my kids and grandkids with the caption: “Grandma burnt the toast — AGAIN!” Then I sent it to a select group of my close friends with the caption: “The government is gonna do WHAT to the 2nd Amendment?”

I figger when that photo ends up in the eyes of Big Brother, I can expect a visit soon or at the very least add a few computer bytes to my NSA digital file (I’m assuming it’s capturing my e-mails like everyone else’s).

The next day I trimmed my beard close and got a nice haircut. So, I look as close to normal now as I ever will ... and I’m ready for spring.

Speaking of spring, last Saturday the temperature got into the mid-70s, and my friend ol’ Mocephus and I got stir crazy and decided to go fishing, even though the ice had barely melted from the Flint Hills ponds.

Imagine our surprise, when the foot-long bass were biting like crazy on plastic curly-tailed lures and we ended up with 42 bass on our stringer. Then, we did a natural resource conservation thing and restocked a friend’s pond that had suffered a bass, channel catfish, bluegill, and crappie kill during last summer and left the pond with only an abundance of green sunfish. The carefree life of those sunfish abruptly ended, I’ll bet.

Here’s my response to items in the news recently: Topic: Wasted food. I read that an immense percentage of the world’s food is wasted — either in storage, aging itself from grocery stores, or thrown into the garbage uneaten from the plates of the world’s overfed folks.

Here’s a suggestion that’s too simple to ever work. I think the world’s advanced nations should make an effort to recycle uneaten food into pet or poultry food. I’ve never seen anything that a dog or a chicken won’t eat raw, so if all that waste food, bones and all, were collected, ground up, cooked and pelleted, we’d recycle our waste food to good purpose. Plus, it would create some new jobs — probably even for some new government food inspectors.

Russia’s illegal takeover of Crimea by simply marching it’s troops into that part of Ukraine and declaring it’s theirs: My thought: The world has lost much of the collective wisdom it gained about despots during World War II and that “dialoging” with them never works. Vladimir Putin certainly lost his chance to be a world leader for peace and has revealed himself as a dangerous despot that the world better keep in check.

Talking about peace, I wonder how much better off the world would be if all the money spent on arms and armies (in the last century and this one) could have been put to peaceful uses. I have no idea about the correct answer, but I’d bet every person in the world would have a livable home, clean water, sanitation services, modern utilities and transportation, a good education, and plenty to eat. It all stems from the powerful wanting dominion over the powerless.

However, since we will never have a utopian world, I figger I’m lucky to live in a powerful nation — even though it seems to be getting less powerful by the day.

The disappearance of the Malaysian jetliner: My thought: We may never know what really happened, but you can bet I’ll never intentionally fly on a Third World airline.

The Keystone Pipeline: My thought: It should be built if the oil companies agree to use the energy produced in the U.S. and Canada. Furthermore, we might consider the wisdom of running a huge parallel water pipeline to bring flood water from the north country and use it to help recharge the rapidly declining Oglala Aquifer. Sound farfetched? So did going to the moon.

Black holes in outer space: I read in the National Geographic magazine about new findings and theories about black holes in space with such unimaginable gravitational pull that light can’t escape them. I read that theoretical physicists believe all the mass and matter in the entire universe was once pulled together into a infinitely condensed piece of solid material no larger than the period at the end of this sentence — and that it exploded in the “Big Bang” and created our universe. My thought: I always figgered the black hole of politics was the most vacuous in the universe.

I’ll close with a wise quote from Albert Einstein about the universe: He said, “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”

Have a good ’un. ❖

Stories you may be interested in

The Fence Post Updated Mar 28, 2014 04:00PM Published Apr 22, 2014 11:30AM Copyright 2014 The Fence Post. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.