Gwen Petersen
Big Timber, Mont.

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July 11, 2014
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Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 7-14-14

What happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas ... or so the saying goes. While there my muse became inflamed with inspiration. I didn’t leave it in Las Vegas; I brought the inspiration home. Twas caused by attending a performance of “Menopause, the Musical.” Hilarious presentation of The Change that women go through ... and you all know what I mean. Having passed the Change mile marker a century or so ago, I decided I’d write a musical: “Older Than Dirt, the Musical.” I’m starting with tunes on topics pertinent mostly to those of us shuffling along in our dotage years. Many are parodies to familiar songs; a few are original tunes. Here’s edifying, enlightening, completely off the wall tunes so far:

■ “Can’t Remember Squat” (parody to “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”)

■ “Do Your Knockers Hang Low” (parody to “Turkey in the Straw”)

■ “Flat Feet and Fungus” (original tune)

■ “Give Me A Shape” (parody to “Home on the Range”)

■ “Grandma’s Got A Feller” (parody to “Grandma’s in the Cellar”)

■ “I’m A Codger” (parody to “Battle Hymn of the Republic”)

■ “I’m An Old Cowgirl” (parody to “I’m An Old Cowhand”)

■ “Liquor & Longevity” (parody to folk poem)

■ “Medicare Blues” (parody to “My Bonnie”)

■ “Memories” (original tune)

■ “Old Age HAW!!” (parody to “Mule Train”)

■ “The Pore Ol’ Soul” (original tune)

Have I covered all the basics? Here’s a sample starting at the top of the antediluvian body as it goes a-sliding downward over the hill ... Tune: “The Old Gray Mare.”

The Old Gray Hair

Her dark red hair

It ain’t what it used to be

Ain’t what it used to be

Ain’t what it used to be

Her dark red hair

It ain’t what it used to be

When she was young and fair

When she was young and fair

When she was young and fair

Her dark red hair

It ain’t what it used to be

When she was young and fair

From her dark hair

She tweezed all the gray hairs out

tweezed all the gray hairs out

tweezed all the gray hairs out

From her dark hair

She tweezed all the gray hairs out

Till she was nearly bald

Till she was nearly bald

Till she was nearly bald

From her dark hair

She tweezed all the gray hairs out

Till she was nearly bald

Those danged gray hairs

They kept right on a-comin’

kept right on a-comin’

kept right on a-comin’

Those danged gray hairs

They kept right on a-comin’

Oh, she was filled with woe

Oh, she was filled with woe

Oh, she was filled with woe

Those danged gray hairs

They kept right on a-comin’

Oh, she was filled with woe

She cussed those hairs

And she dyed to hide the gray

She dyed to hide the gray

She dyed to hide the gray

She cussed those hairs

And she dyed to hide the gray

And will until the end

And will until the end

And will until the end

She cussed those hairs

And she dyed to hide the gray

And will until the end ... until ... the ... End ❖


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The Fence Post Updated Jul 10, 2014 11:48AM Published Jul 28, 2014 02:10PM Copyright 2014 The Fence Post. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.