Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

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August 25, 2014
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Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 8-25-14

Ol’ Nevah and I stretched our “country comfort” boundary a bit last week and went to Kansas City twice in five days.

The first trip wuz to Platte City, Mo., to overnight with our friends Canby and May Bea Handy. We arrived after a stop at the Cabela’s store to allow me to restock on fishing and hunting gear and supplies for the fall seasons.

Then that evening the four of us went to Kaufman Stadium to watch the Kansas City Royals smack the San Francisco Giants in baseball on a most wonderful August night. The temperature wuz around 75 degrees, no humidity, and from where we were sitting we watched a full “oversized” moon rise over first base.

But, perhaps the funniest part of that evening wuz a quip that ol’ Canby made as we walked back to the parking lot after the game as the fireworks display exploded behind the stadium.

I’ll preface Canby’s quip with the fact that in the row right in front of us sat a person wearing (kind of) a pair of low-rider jeans. This person must have gotten up and down a dozen times during the game to get another “something” to eat and drink and each time the jeans slid halfway down the backside giving us a close-up “plumbers” view.

That’s why on the walk back to our car, Canby said, “This has been a night to remember — good friends, perfect weather, another Royals win, and for the first time in my life, watching two full moons in the same night.”

The second trip to KC five days later wuz a “one-dayer” for both bizness and pleasure.

We first stopped at a Barnes & Noble bookstore where I purchased a U.S. “recent political history” book. Then we moved on to Jack Stak’s where we ate a great bizness barbecue lunch.

Then, after our bizness meeting we went to a nearby Starbuck’s where we met up with, for the first time in more than 50 years, our high school English/literature/drama teacher, ol’ Klaus N. Fraze. I got to thank him personally for his development of my linguistic and writing skills.

Klaus had scarcely changed in appearance since high school days, except for the ubiquitous aging wrinkles, and I knew him immediately when I spied him.

We had a leisurely hour or so of reminiscing about our high school days, our respective careers and lives, and had a good belly-laugh recalling his “involuntary recruitment” of me and a good friend to be Russian dancers in a high school Christmas production of The Nutcracker Suite.

Just thinking of me as a high school freshman, dressed up as a Russian dancer, should give you good readers a hearty chuckle, too.

I’m WAY to countryfied to enjoy much of big city hustle and bustle, and I’ve had enuf of it to last me for awhile, but, I’ll admit, I enjoyed both KC trips last week.

My old riding lawn mower is on the fritz again and I’m waiting for ol’ Nutson Boltz to get it fixed so I can mow the crabgrass and foxtail in our yard. It’s a great old mower when it’s working, but lately, the minor breakdowns have been coming along way too frequently.

I’ve watched a perfect example of the welfare state at work (perhaps not-at-work is a more apt term) in nature.

Ladderback flickers are insect and grub eating woodpeckers who have adapted to the welfare state. First, they learned that grain from bird feeders is easier to get than pounding their heads against trees.

But, now they’ve taken the gratis food one step further. This summer I’ve had a ladderback flicker who had gotten a sweet “beak” and learned to pilfer fake nectar from the hummingbird feeders on our back deck. He’s a glutton, too.

So far, we’ve put up with it’s robbing ways, but it might be better for the species in the long run if I put a permanent stop to the thievery.

Now personal barter is an entirely different thing. For all my gardening skills, I’ve never mastered the science/art of growing cantaloupes. It’s always a failure.

But thankfully, my good friend, ol’ C. Faren Wyde, is a cantaloup growing expert and I’ve been swapping tomatoes for melons the last couple of weeks. It’s a good deal for both of us.

Well, folks, ol’ Nevah and I passed a milestone on August 16 — our 50th wedding anniversary. I don’t know how she’s put up with me and my shenanigans for 50 years, but she has, and for that I’m thankful.

Our daughters, Mite and Tiny, are planning a “handshake and howdy” 50th anniversary reception in our honor on Saturday, August 30, from 2 to 5 p.m., at the Community Building on the Chase County Fairgrounds at Swope Park in Cottonwood Falls, Kan. They’ll be serving cake and drinks for our visitors.

Feel free to attend if you have a mind to and if you do — no gifts. Your presence will be present enuf for us. Hope to see you there.

After 50 years of marriage, I have no wise words except “keep plugging along day by day” and you’ll eventually get there. Have a good ’un. ❖

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The Fence Post Updated Aug 21, 2014 04:43PM Published Sep 8, 2014 03:50PM Copyright 2014 The Fence Post. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.