Gwen Petersen
Big Timber, Mont.

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January 14, 2014
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Gwen Petersen: In A Sow's Ear 1-13-14

Whenever I leaf through a copy of the Fence Post, I notice I’m rubbing shoulders (so-to-speak) with a passel of other columnists. And most of ’em have been penning columns as long or longer than myself. Which leads me to observe that I’m in the company of a whole lot of “old-timers.” (Betcha I’m the oldest)!

Be that as it may, I want to shout THANKS to the Fence Post, all the other columnists, writers, cartoonists and every single one of the Fence Post readers.

Does this mean I’m “retiring” from column writing. Certainly NOT! I admit I no longer have the juice to do any serious ranching, but my horses think I’m totally swell. They tell me so every morning at feeding time.

Unless I turn senile or acquire a case of Alzheimer’s or sink into dementia or fall down and roll away somewhere, I’ll continue to report on stuff from a country, rural and planet earth perspective.

Currently I’m working on Volume Two of “How to be Elderly, a User’s Guide.” Full of bits of wisdom? Pithy sayings? Wise witticisms? Philosophical maunderings on the meaning of life? Naaaah! I’m too busy for deep thinking. I’ll leave terse, to-the-point meaningful advice to those who’ve got the time to invest in contemplation or are dead. Here’s a few gems culled from the book “Don’t Forget To Sing In The Lifeboats” by Kathryn and Ross Petras.

■ Coping: In times like these, it is good to remember that there have always been times like these.

~ Paul Harvey, Radio Commentator

■ Faith: I have noticed even people who claim that everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

~ Stephen Hawking, Physicist

■ How You Look at Things: The long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run we are all dead.

~ John Maynard Keynes, Economist

■ Rules to Live By: The first rule of holes: When you’re in one, stop digging.

~ Molly Ivins, Writer

■ Survival Tactics: When you have got an elephant by the hind legs and he is trying to run away, it’s best to let him run.

~ Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President

■ Don’t Worry, Be Happy: Don’t take life too seriously. It ain’t nohow permanent.

~ Walt Kelly, Cartoonist

■ Truth: How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.

~ Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President

■ Coping: Without my morning coffee I’m just like a piece of dried up roast goat.

~ Johann Sebastian Bach, Composer

■ Money: I must say that I hate money, but it’s the lack of it that I hate most.

~ Katherine Mansfield, Writer).

■ Things I’ve Learned: I’m discounting reports of UFO’s. Why would they appear only to cranks and weirdoes?

~ Stephen Hawking, Physicist

■ Fighting: When you see a rattlesnake poised to strike, you do not wait until he has struck before you crush him.

~ Franklin D. Roosevelt, U.S. President

■ Things I’ve Learned: Life is tough, it’s even tougher when you’re stupid.

~ John Wayne, Actor

■ You Might As Well Laugh: If you can keep your head when all about you, people are losing theirs, it’s just possible you haven’t grasped the situation.

~ Jean Kerr, Writer

There you have it — words and concepts to ponder as you go over the hill and pick up speed.

We’re all riding along on the trail of brand new 2014. Sooo! Let’s get this party started! ❖

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The Fence Post Updated Jan 9, 2014 09:42AM Published Jan 27, 2014 11:26AM Copyright 2014 The Fence Post. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.