Sunday: I found Studly, the ram, in the bullpen. My horse Gentleman was there too. In fact, every animal I owned including my dog was in the bull’s pasture and they were all trying to do strange things to one another.
In the process of putting a major water line through the ranch, it seems that SOMEBODY with the public utility had left a few gates open. In the meantime the bulls had used the new pipeline for a backrubber causing it to spring a leak. The county was rapidly running out of water while the bulls showered under “Old Faithful.” Being the responsible citizen that I am I called the water company to inform them about their leak. Needless to say NOBODY was there.
Monday: This morning I called the water company at eight o’clock. I was told by the secretary that NOBODY still wasn’t in. “I don’t care if NOBODY is there, please send SOMEBODY,” I begged. “My sheep are up to their knees in water.”
The secretary informed me that EVERYBODY was either on vacation or otherwise tied up.
Tuesday: I moved the sheep to higher ground. I again pleaded with the Secretary of Water and Power. “Can’t ANYBODY come out to fix the broken water line?”
“ANYBODY is on sick leave,” she said. “But SOMEBODY should be able to come out and see you tomorrow.”
Wednesday: I waited around half the day for SOMEBODY to show up. Finally SOMEBODY from the water company arrived and walked with great authority into the bull pen. “Are these bulls safe?” he asked.
“A whole lot safer than you are right now,” I replied, as Studly gave him a hook shot and the bulls taught him the real meaning of eminent domain.
Thursday: I didn’t get much work done today because I was put on hold until 1:30. “SOMEBODY didn’t fix the leak yet,” I informed the secretary. “Can’t ANYBODY come out?”
“Yes, ANYBODY will be there tomorrow,” she promised.
In the meantime I made a new stock pond and contemplated planting some permanent pasture now that it seems I had an unending all new water source.
Friday: ANYBODY showed up after lunch. SOMEBODY must have told him about the bulls because he surveyed the damage through the front windshield of his new truck. He didn’t budge out of the company rig as the dogs sniffed his tires and jumped on his truck’s doors. ANYBODY could have fixed the leak but NOBODY did.
Saturday: Today EVERYBODY showed up to fix the leak. It must have been the time-and-a-half on Saturdays that ignited a fire under them. EVERYBODY all blamed SOMEBODY for not fixing the leak earlier. They circled the trucks and heavy equipment around the leak to keep the bulls out but it worked as well as they did. EVERYBODY put in a good one hour’s work that day.
Sunday: On the eighth day they rested ... and the pipeline sprung another leak in the same place.
I assure you that there is a moral to this story: When you want SOMEBODY to do something you can’t find ANYBODY and EVERYBODY will say they will help you but NOBODY will. ❖