Baxter Black: Here’s what the auctioneer really means in a sale barn | TheFencePost.com

Baxter Black: Here’s what the auctioneer really means in a sale barn

Baxter Black, DVM

John B and I were discussing how hard it must be for an auctioneer to say somethin' good about every thing that walks through a sale barn ring. For the novice, we offer the following explanations for these rather ambiguous descriptions.

■ "Ain't she the mama kind!" (If you ain't got a good sortin' alley or a horse and a long rope, you better not try and get close to her calf!)

■ "These steers will grow in the night!" (You've never seen a pen of chronic bloaters?)

■ "Watch this ring! The next cattle in might be yours!" (This is a handful of auctioneer buybacks that have been bunched together and are goin' through a second or third time!)

■ "These are the cattle you been lookin' for!" (They slipped through your fence that first week and were raised by your neighbor!)

■ "She's the right kind!" (Remember, that was your first impression of Donald Trump!)

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■ "They're just like money in your pocket!" (So, if you wanna keep it, leave it there!)

■ "Mighty smooth!" (Mouthed!)

■ "Don't pass this one up!" (She's not gonna last much longer!)

■ "Shiny as a new penny!" (Maybe with a little louse dip that hair will grow back!)

■ "I know that calf don't look like his mama, but it's hers!" (I know 'cause she lost her own and we gave her that one yesterday!)

■ "Would i steer you wrong?" (As fast as lighting leaves the sky!)

■ "A real herd builder!" (If you could ever get her settled!)

■ "These babies'll take right off!" (To the office lawn, the dead pile or parts unknown!)

■ "They'll put you in tall cotton!" (Scrub oak, seed corn or at the corner of 4th and Main, dependin' how long it takes you to catch 'em!)

■ "Make ya look good!" (And stupid!)

■ "Here's one to draw to!" (Now if you just had two rat-tailed BVD survivors, you'd have three of a kind!)

■ "Solid mouthed and fat!" (Barren cows are always fat!)

■ "Your name's on this one!" (The byproducts man must be in the crowd!)

■ "She'll fit right in!" (The vet shack, the chronic pen or the dead wagon!)

■ "These heifers'll turn your money green!" (Yer face red, yer hair gray and yer banker blue!)

■ "This steer's got the makin's'!" (of a real chronic!)

■ "Ya don't see 'em like this anymore!" (Thank goodness! I thought dwarfism went out with smallpox!) ❖

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