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Yield: The beauty of the internet

Last week I passed along some supposedly cutting edge research news that I'd uncovered on the internet. Well, this week, I found another "news nugget" that you best not be eating supper when you read about it.

A group of researchers have found that eating boogers from your nose is good for you. They say that the boogers contain dead bacteria and other "stuff" that helps build disease-fighting antibodies in your system.

While it may sound disgusting, it might explain why kids of my generation were so relatively immune to allergies and other immune disorders. I can distinctly remember my sainted mother telling me to quit picking my nose and putting my fingers in my mouth. Good thing I wuz a willful, disobedient child.

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Sometimes the "fake" stuff on the internet is entertaining. My ol' Missouri buddy, Willie Jay, sent me a picture of a giant catfish with two gum boots sticking out of its mouth and the caption, "Help, I'm being swallowed by a catfish."

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Here's a little poignant story that kind of brought a tear to my eye.

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands — all attending for "pre-baby" preparation. One couple was young ranchers who rotational grazed their cow herd extensively.

The instructor said, "Ladies, remember — exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and it will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surfaces, like a grass path."

She continued, "Gentlemen, remember — you're in this together. It won't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments the young rancher slowly raised his hand and asked, "I was just wondering if it would be all right if my wife moves the electric fence every day in our pasture if I keep a close eye on her? We've got good grass."

I said that story would bring a tear to your eye. Also, made me wonder if it would be alright if the pregnant lady carried your golf clubs while you're playing cow pasture pool?

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A redneck named Bubba wuz a contestant on the TV show, "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." He got lucky with his guesses and won a half-million dollars and still had his "phone a friend" lifeline left to use.

The emcee explained to Bubba that he needed to answer only one more question correctly to take home the million-dollar prize. "Everything is riding on this question — and you can still phone a friend — so, do you want to go for it?" the emcee asked.

Without hesitation, Bubba agreed to try and answer the question.

"Okay," the emcee said, "Here is your question: Which of the following birds does not build its own nest — sparrow, thrush, magpie or cuckoo?"

Bubba hemmed and hawed a few moments then admitted, "I ain't got no clue what the answer is. So, I want to use my phone-a-friend lifeline and call my best friend Clarence who lives near the Lake of the Ozarks."

So, Bubba called Clarence and told him the circumstances and repeated the bird nest question.

Bubba didn't have high expectations that Clarence knew the answer, so he was astounded when Clarence spouted off, "I'm gonna expect a big party when you get home. I'm 100 percent sure the cuckoo doesn't build its own nest."

"Are you really sure?" Bubba asked.

"Absolutely! Without a doubt," Clarence replied.

"Okay, I'll go with cuckoo as my final answer," Bubba told the emcee.

After the heart-stopping moment of hesitation, the emcee screamed, "Bubba, you've won a million dollars."

When Bubba got back to the Ozarks, he threw the biggest party ever and he immediately cornered Clarence and asked him how in the world he knew that a cuckoo bird didn't build it's own nest?

Clarence, hoisting a stein full of foamy beer, replied, "You should have known yourself that cuckoo birds live in clocks."

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One good thing about getting old and being connected to the internet and email is all the good stuff about life and aging that I receive. For instance:

"The fact that there's a Highway to Hell and only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic numbers."

"So when is this 'old enough to know better' schtick supposed to kick in?"

"Have you ever listened to someone for awhile and wondered, 'who ties your shoelaces for you?"

"Be careful when you follow the masses, sometimes the 'M' is silent."

And finally, this one: "When you're dead, you don't know you're dead. It's only difficult for others. It's the same way when you're stupid."

Have a good 'un.❖