Yield: What’s in the news | TheFencePost.com

Yield: What’s in the news

Milo Yield

Almost always the funniest stories are true ones. This one comes from a friend in Wamego, Kan., ol' KayAnn E. Quipp, who works in the front offices of a large farm equipment dealership.

KayAnn sez this is a true story that happened at work and she wuz lucky enuf to see it happen. It seems that the dealership has an assortment of three-tired pedal tractors for children of customers to select from and ride around the showroom floor while their parents are conducting bizness.

KayAnn sez she always enjoys watching the children enjoy themselves riding the toy tractors around and, knowing her, I'll bet she keeps a close watch on their well-being. Regardless, this is a "first" that she witnessed this week.

A potential buyer came in to talk to a salesman with his Dad and young son. So there were three generations of farmers represented in their group. The little boy was checking out the toy tractors when he suddenly got the urge to depressurize his bladder and he did so — without so much as even a look around to see who might be watching — right on the rear tire of one of the toy tractors.

Of course, the father and grandpa were embarrassed and as they sopped up the mess they instructed the little guy on proper toilet etiquette. They were further embarrassed when the little guy piped up, "But, Dad, you and grandpa do it."

KayAnn wuz told after the incident that the little boy is in the process of toilet training. After seeing his dad and grandfather stand by the tractor to relieve themselves, it was quite natural that he thought the company's pedal tractor was the place to go — literally.

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Dad ended up using half of a roll of paper towels to wipe up the evidence.

Now I understand where the old saying "like father, like son" originated.

•••

We went from long-underwear to tank-top weather this week — that's from the low 40s to yesterday's 89.9 degrees. It finally dried up enuf that I got a chance to sort of catch up on the work that has been stacking up. I tilled the garden plots, built several raised beds for the garden and got most everything planted that needs to be planted — carrots, spinach, kale, sweet potatoes, peppers, tomatoes and pole beans.

I already had potatoes, peas, green beans, zucchini and the first planting of sweet corn up and growing.

I still need to mow some grass and build some garden and chicken fence. The only thing I hated about all the work is that it fully occupied the three best fishing days we've had this spring — at least weather-wise. I'll try to catch up next week when my friend Albie Kirky and his two sons and grandson come for four days of hard fishing.

•••

I read a lot of supposed news every week and I'm almost always surprised at what I read.

For instance, I read where researchers have found evidence that cursing loudly and profanely actually does help alleviate pain. At least now I understand why I do so when a wrench slips and I bloody up my knuckles.

I also read that a tiny robot has been built that can run faster than a human. The 'bot is called the Planar Elliptical Runner and can motor along at 10 miles per hour, which is faster than the average marathon runner. However, if it was scaled up to human size, the tiny terror could reach speeds of up to 30 miles per hour — quicker than the 27.8 mph achieved by Usain Bolt. … Boffins at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition in Florida designed the speedy droid to show how robots could walk and run on two legs — just like humans. My take, I can't outrun a snail anymore, so why didn't they invent a robot that can do sweaty garden work?

And, I read that anthropologists have determined that our ancestors from 1.7 million years back may have started developing a brain that would lead to playing the piano.

And, I read that scientists have concocted a "broccoli pill" that could head off human strokes. Needless for me as I actually like to eat that green veggie.

And, I read that our future may contain "no work" for us humans because robots with artificial intelligence will be doing all the work. Futurists predicted that all us folks on permanent retirement all our lives will be given a "government subsistence" and spend all out time playing "virtual world" video games. Hum-m-m.

Seems we're well on our way toward that happening.

And, for all those folks worrying about global warming, I found this news tidbit to ease your worrying about it being "too hot." Climate experts say Earth is on course for a "Little Age Ice" within the next three years thanks to a cocktail of climate change and low solar activity. Research shows a natural cooling cycle that occurs every 230 years began in 2014 and will send temperatures plummeting even further by 2019. Scientists are also expecting a "huge reduction" in solar activity for 33 years between 2020 and 2053 that will cause thermometers to crash.

Guess I'd better pull out that long underwear again.

•••

A reader submitted this item from a Kansas church bulletin: A man walking with his friend says, "I'm a walking economy." His friend replies, "How so?" The answer: "My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression."

Sounds too much like me. Relax already! Have a good 'un.❖

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