Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

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April 7, 2014
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Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 4-7-14

Good grief, Charlie Brown! I’m starting to write this column on Monday, March 24, and it’s snowing again. Doesn’t Mother Nature know it’s spring?

Perhaps she didn’t get the memo. It’s time for sunshine and warmth.

I’ve delayed planting my early garden and small grain plots for my chickens until we get some moisture and some warmth. I guess I could have dusted them in, but that’s usually a recipe for disaster. There’s still plenty of time for gardening, so I guess I’ll just stay in “ready” mode.

I keep in touch with my farmer friends up in Iowa, and recently I got word that one of my best friends kicked the bucket — literally, not figuratively, thank goodness!

My sheep shearing buddy, ol’ Nick deHyde, reports that our mutual friend Trey Dautters, put himself out of commission recently by tearing up his shoulder when he tried to exit his tractor cab and tripped over an empty 5-gallon bucket he had in the cab and went head over tea kettle to the ground.

The prognosis? A few weeks with his arm in a sling and foreswearing any other fancy tractor acrobatics.

Sorry ’bout the accident, Trey. Recover quickly.

My Platte City, Mo., buddy, ol’ Canby Handy, reports that his 5-year-old grandson, Chase N. Ryder, got an early-age introduction into the rodeo sport during a family spring vacation near Houston, Texas.

Chase’s family got word of a mutton-busting competition at a nearby arena and Chase wanted to enter. Surprisingly, it wuz an open competition, so the family got a YouTube video of Chase’s ride and you could hear the rodeo announcer in the background say, “And our next contestant comes to us all the way from Platte City, Missouri.”

Chase rode his “mutton” all the way to the end of the arena, but part of the time he was listing a lot to the left. But, he proudly accepted a third place ribbon for his ride. Who knows? Perhaps it was the beginning of a rodeo career.

My friend, Phil Tanks, wuz delivering fuel to farms recently when he got pulled over by a Missouri deputy sheriff.

When the law officer reached the window of Phil’s truck, he looked up and said, “Sir, do you know why I’m standing here?”

Phil smiled and replied, “Let me guess — because you got all C’s in school!”

I think his speeding ticket wuz doubled for that comment.

A rural elementary school kid came running up onto his grandpa’s front porch and excitedly said, “Grandpa, I just learned that I got a part in the school play we’re doing this spring.”

“That’s wonderful,” grandpa replied. “What part did you get?”

“I got the part of the father who’s been married 20 years,” the lad enthused.

Grandpa replied, “Well, don’t worry about it. Do a good job this time and maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.”

A reporter for a small town weekly newspaper decided to interview a lady resident of the community at her 100th birthday celebration in her own rural home.

After they’d settled down for the interview, the reporter asked the lady, “To what do you attribute your long life and good health?”

The spry oldster answered, “To prevent indigestion, I drink beer. To keep my appetite strong, I drink white wine. To ward off low blood pressure, I drink scotch or Tennessee whiskey. In the case of high blood pressure and for heart health, I drink red wine. And, when I have a cold, I drink schnapps or brandy.”

After looking at his notes, the reporter looked up and asked quizzically, “Don’t you ever drink water?”

The centenarian grinned broadly and replied, “Never been that sick.”

Recently, I got into a serious conversation about what’s wrong with our nation and I replied, “We’ve lost trust.” And, I wuz serious. Just who and what can we trust these days? Our elected officials have betrayed our trust. The judicial system doesn’t warrant much trust. Bureaucrats have proven they and their regulations can’t be trusted. The IRS failed the trust test. The NSA invades our privacy, so where’s the trust? Scientific research results don’t inspire trust when the research results always seem skewed toward the funding entity. Pollsters can’t be trusted because poll results are all over the place. The financial system with it’s manipulated markets and Bernie Madoffs fails the trust test. Multi-national corporations do little so inspire trust. Who trusts the content and security of the internet these days? The mass media — get serious? Education, not much trust there either.

What’s left to trust? Well, happily, the most important parts of our lives — our family, our close friends, and our dogs.

The ancient philosopher Plato once said, “Serious writers write because they have something to say; others because they have to say something.”

I’ll let you decide where I belong. Cheer up! Spring’ll get here eventually.

Have a good ’un. ❖

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The Fence Post Updated Apr 4, 2014 06:28AM Published Apr 22, 2014 11:30AM Copyright 2014 The Fence Post. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.