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A doubtful ‘new/old’ story

This story wuz told to me as a true one. I doubt its veracity, but I don’t doubt its humor. So, here’s the story:

A middle-aged farm wife finally persuaded herself to have her graying hair dyed back to her natural color. All her friends and kids thought the idea wuz great. However, her husband wuz of a negative opinion.

But, the wife got the dye job done and everyone complimented her on her “new old” look, except for her recalcitrant hubby.



Finally, one of his neighbors asked, “But, why don’t you like her dyed hair? You know she looks 10 years younger than before.”

Hubby sighed and replied, “Yeh, and I’m the guy she looks 10 years younger than.”



***

We’re all immersed up to our eyeballs with political ads and political solicitations for “more money” to run political campaigns.

So, one disgusted farmer went to a campaign rally of a pol he wanted to evaluate. After the candidate gassed for a half-hour, he opened for questions from ordinary folks and the local press.

The farmer overheard the candidate’s interview with the local news reporter. The reporter asked why the candidate thought the public has such a low opinion of politicians.

The pol replied, “I think one of the biggest reasons for our unpopularity is that so few elected representatives want to accept responsibility for anything. But, don’t quote me on that, please.”

***

A lazy employee at an agri-manufacturing firm couldn’t get along with any of his fellow employees. He wuz always arguing, threatening, and trying to pawn off his work on someone else.

Finally, the company owner called the offensive employee into his office and told him he felt compelled to fire him. 

As the boss man had finished writing out the employee’s final pay check and wuz handing it to him, he commented, “In a way I’m sorry to lose you because you’ve been just like a son to me — rude, sarcastic and unappreciative.”

***

Overheard at the grain elevator coffee pot: “Thank goodness, I’ve still got my health at the age of 90. I don’t think I could stand all these aches and pains if I wuzn’t feeling good.”

“Now that I’m retired and living in town with only my dog, I got so tired of taking ol’ Rover for walks in the heat, cold, rain and snow that I bought him a doggie treadmill — equipped with a fake fire hydrant.”

“At my age, when a pretty gal smiles sweetly at me, I immediately check to see if I’m zipped up.”

***

Well, we had a big swing in the weather this week. One day the temperature wuz in the 80s. Next day we had a big killing frost with the temp down to 25.

The frost brought the garden to a screeching halt. It’s always sad to me when my tomato plants bite the dust, so the night before the frost I picked a peck of tomatoes that I think will continue to ripen for a week or so.

Then I went into emergency salvage action. I picked close to two bushels of green tomatoes for my neighbor who makes salsa and green tomato relish. Then I tore down the tomato cages so I can store them away for the winter tomorrow. I also picked all the green peppers and gave them away to the same good friend.  

Next job wuz digging the sweet potatoes. That wuz a big disappointment. The paltry harvest reflected the hot, dry summer and my poor job of watering. I got only about a dozen eating-size sweet spuds.

I’ve also got to pull the frosted green bean and okra plants from the raised beds and put away all the temporary garden fencing that I used to thwart the chickens.

The only garden I have left is the fall radishes. The frost didn’t kill them.

***

I’ve got more good news on my effort to downsize my life. The good folks at the Texas Tech University Southwest Collection/Special Collections Library in Lubbock, Texas, say they want to archive for history my entire 48-year collection of Milo Yield columns, plus all my personal correspondence from my newspapering days, and other materials I’ve accumulated over the years. 

I’ve been sorting through all the mountain of my “stuff” and I’m close to ready to have the next batch ready to go. You good readers will recall that Nevah and I delivered the first “batch” to Texas Tech last May. I’ll keep you posted on progress.

***

Now, for the words of wisdom for the week: “Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. But, spend a minute in my head and you may well freak out.” Have a good ‘un.


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