Angelia McLean: Country Mouse City Mouse 5-16-11
It’s taken quite a while for the official studies to come out stating that “Yes, animals do have personalities.” I’ve known this for quite some time having had a plethora of animal specimens on which to make my observations. I’m glad the scientific community has finally caught up with me, the Smart One.
All sorts of personality traits can be identified via an animal: Stubbornness, defiance, lack of loyalty, vengeful, naughty, proud, selectively hearing impaired, obnoxious, stupid, disrespect for authority, over zealous, lazy and sloppy, and probably, temperamental. (You’d think I was describing my teenagers). The negative traits just seemed to come to mind first but there are, of course, better personality characteristics: Loyalty, happy, exuberant, warm hearted, stupidly adoring and loving and, well, you get the picture. From our pet turtles that project a trait of confidence knowing full well they’ll out live you by a hundred years; no-need-to-rush-attitude to the cat who’s demeanor is all about service. As in, you’re serving me, big guy, and maybe I’ll let you fawn over me.
The chicken crossed the road not to get to the other side but to ask the tried and true pick-up line to the other chicken hanging out over there, “Hey, chick, what’s your sign?” Owning a flock of chickens allows for the development of an official ‘control study.’ I’ve taken it upon myself to create what is known as an astrological poultry chart to categorize personalities of chickens and create what is known as the official zodiac manifesto based on chicken traits or also known as “Poultriacs.” You can find your poultry personality from one of 11 signs below and find what chicken would be a best match for you.
• Born under the Buff Silkie: You are bossy and bratty. You dislike any human contact although you do not peck or attack others. You prefer a docile pen partner whom you can dominate and show off your fluffy butt.
• Born under the White Cochin: You never make a move first but wait for someone to help you decide. Never aggressive nor temperamental, you prefer to be bossed around as long as you get your own perch away from the crowd. Sweet and you like hugs.
• Born under the Lacewing Polish: No time for others, you’ve been around the block. You’ve gotten your futurity award and best in breed so no need to prove anything to anyone. Kind of forgetful, always agreeable but you don’t have time for newcomers.
• Born under the Lacewing Polish Rooster: You’ve upheld yourself well despite your disability of being one-legged. You know you’re the head-honcho around the ladies although the ladies don’t seem to give you much thought. A little slow in the uptake of information. Hides when confronted with possible two-legged adversary.
• Born under the Americauna: Terribly frightened of anything moving with two legs. Has a problem with bowel control problems when scared. Very uptight and shy. Takes a while to adjust to others. Great eggs when you lay! You’d look better with feathers.
• Born under the Buff Orpington: You’re a beauty and know it. Gotten your ribbon and now you’re in retirement mode. A little skittish around fellow Gallus gallus domesticus. Maternal towards others.
• Born under Black Chocin: Wow, what a vamp! You know what turns heads! You’re big, black and busty. Now if you’d just start laying eggs!
• Born under Buff Japanese: Always a contrarian you refuse to follow the rules. Last to fall in line and first to leave. You know how to fly and you’ll be takin’ your wings elsewhere!
• Born under Gold Lace Polish: You are not well liked. You need to improve your interpersonal skills. Not one for the welcome-wagon, you tend to be defiant and ill mannered. Lacewing Polish is your only friend.
• Born under Black Silkie: Still in mourning for your white counterpart you sleep alone now and don’t quite have the spark you once had. Molting just doesn’t work for your looks. You still have a good egg in you once in a while.
• Born under White Japanese: You are often in cahoots with Mrs. Brown (see above: Buff Japanese). Never one to listen to directions and often out of bounds. You make it difficult on caregivers. You don’t like to be caged-in.
Well, there you have it. Memorize the above and next time you need a fresh pick up line for that someone special, try out the sophisticated Poultiac question. Those traditional zodiac signs are so passe and you wouldn’t want that bar poseur to think you’re over-easy!
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