Baxter Black: Going inside the mind of a cow
The ol’ cow thought to herself, ‘I sure hate standin’ in line. Even if it’s just once a year it’s not somethin’ I look forward to.
‘Oh, great. Here comes that yay hoo with a hot shot. Where’d they pick him up? Must be refugee from the hayin’ crew.
‘The weather’s nice. Thank goodness for that! I’ve stood in this alley in the hot sun and in blizzards. You’d think these fools would plan their preg checkin’ when the weather’s decent.
‘Keep movin’, Molly. I know she’s worried. Losin’ her teeth. ‘Course I’m no spring chicken either and that bout with the eye infection didn’t improve my looks any.
‘Okay, kid! I’m movin’ up! It’s not easy in all this goop. They should’a had you shovel the alley but I suspect that would’a been beyond your learning skills!
“Uh, oh. I can hear the squeeze chute clangin’. I been through it enough times I know it doesn’t hurt but just the sound of it makes me nervous. I wonder if that lady will still be there.
‘Alright, Molly. Go on. You’re gonna do okay.
‘Bred. Good. She’s bred. Anybody could’a told that by lookin’ but they’ve got Doc here to make it official. She’s gettin’ her shots but they’re cutting her off to the right. Not stayin’ with the big bunch. Dental problems, no doubt.
‘Whoa! Sorry, kid! I wasn’t ready for that! But I’m in the chute. Ya happy now?
‘By gosh, the lady is still settin’ on that barrel where she was last year writin’ in her notebook. She looks cold. Oooh! Speakin’ of cold! Thanks, Doc! I really needed that! I feel like I just got rear-ended by an army tank!
‘Bred, he says. I should hope so! I didn’t stand out there all spring with that bunch of slobberin’ yearlin’ bulls for nothin’! I know my job!
‘Jeez! I wish there was a better way to check my teeth without you hamhanded Vikings stickin’ your fingers up my nose!
‘Try that on for size! Dang, I missed him.
‘Ump! Agh! Where did that lunatic learn to give shots? Bet he makes a mean fondue.
‘So, the big boss is givin’ me the once over. He’s lookin’ at my eye. It’s cloudy, but no pain. He’s squattin’ down to check it. Now he’s puffin’ a little powder in it. Now, for sure I can’t see!
‘Well, I be durned. I believe he patted me on the head!
‘Okay, I’m goin’.
‘Boy, I’m glad that’s over.
‘Naw, he couldn’t have. Patted me on the head, I mean. Must’a been my imagination.’ ❖
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