Celebrating over the holidays
January 3, 2019
To give myself a little "column relief," I wrote several columns in advance for the recently celebrated holiday season. So, I ain't written anything about the Christmas and New Year that ol' Nevah and I celebrated.
For Christmas, all eight of the family, minus the Tennesseans, gathered Christmas eve near "Manhappiness," Kan. It was cold and we spent the evening playing games, eating and we might have whipped up a toddy or two. The next morning we opened our presents, including gifts for the four "grand dogs."
After a huge breakfast, everyone scattered to the four winds and we came home.
For New Year's Eve, we got invited to party with old friends, and some new ones, near Gridley, Kan. Since I seldom drive after dark these days, our host and hostess generously offered to put us up for the night. So, we arrived a couple hours early, shared supper with them, partied until after midnight, slept in on New Year's morning, shared breakfast and headed home. I called it our "Supper, Party, Bed and Breakfast" outing.
Some of the folks attending the party my readers are familiar with — the Parker Looselys and the Willie Wynns. There ain't nuthin' much better than partying with good friends.
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One of the football games we watched wuz the University of Texas versus the University of Georgia. Texas' mascot is a big, fat Longhorn steer named Bevo who usually just lazes around. Georgia's mascot is a big, fat, ugly English Bulldog named Uga. He usually just lazes around. But everything changed when the bowl sponsors thought it would be cute to get a picture of the two mascots together.
Well, that didn't turn out so well. Bevo took one glance at Uga and decided he would gore that intruding fat bulldog with a long horn. Luckily, his handlers got Bevo under control. Uga's handlers swiftly got him out of Bevo's sight. Order was restored in short order.
However, that's not the end of this funny story. Post game, the "wonderful, ever-concerned" folks at PETA decided to jump into the fray — claiming that both Bevo and Uga are being exploited and that sporting teams should be prohibited by law from having live mascots. They argued that Bevo could have gored poor ol' Uga.
What a bunch of idiots all around. First, the bowl sponsors know nuthin' about animal behavior or they'd have known that Longhorn cattle see dogs as predators. Second, the PETA folks ought to crawl in a hole and pull it in after them. Anyone with an ounce of common sense could plainly see that neither Bevo nor Uga are being exploited — unless being pampered and overfed is exploitation.
Frankly, I think it might be amusing to see ol' Bevo trying to skewer a couple of PETA bleeding hearts for butting into his utopian world.
My day this morning got off to a miserable start. Nevah spied a bushy coyote sneaking toward my chicken house. By the time I retrieved my 25-06, the coyote had disappeared from view. So, I made the mistake of moving off the back deck and going into the yard. I wuz sneaking around trying to see Mr. Coyote and suddenly he appeared out of the tall grass not 75 yards from me. I hurried an off-hand shot at the varmint and MISSED. I guess that's to be expected at my age, but it still ticked me off. I bet I'd have scored if I'd stayed on the deck and taken a braced shot. Oh, well, I bet he'll get careless again and I'll get another chance to take chicken off his diet.
The the dems and the repubs are still wrangling over the partial government shutdown. Grow up people! Quit being infantile. Put the country's best interests ahead of your political careers. Re-learn the art of compromise!
A good friend e-mailed me pictures of print advertisements from decades ago. Reading through them makes you realize just how much times have changed. One ad showed a cute little girl at a school desk and the copy read: "Mary was so fidgety she couldn't concentrate … because of harsh toilet tissue."
Another ad was for a cigarette lighter toy.
Another said: "Learn to train your husband in 5 easy lessons."
An ad for Pontiac Star Chief autos got a bit raunchy. It read: "Spread your legs. Enjoy maximum leg-room." A man in a tux was opening the rear door for a well-dressed lady.
Another pictured a cute baby with the caption: "No flies on me. Thanks to DDT." It wuz an ad for Black Flag insecticide.
Another ad, definitely not politically correct, showed a picture of a young Stevie Wonder with a caption that read: "If I could play video games, you bet it would be Atari!"
Some wag at our New Year's Eve party asked me what my new year's resolution wuz. I told him: "Strive to arrive alive to 2020." That's good wisdom for everyone. Have a good 'un — year, that is. ❖