<strong>Dude rancher’s dilemma</strong> | TheFencePost.com

Dude rancher’s dilemma

A young citified dude, Fellin Tuhitt, quickly came into a veritable fortune by selling a hot, new Silicon Valley dot-com startup. Needing to invest his new fortune, the neophyte decided to buy a huge cattle ranch. He hired an exclusive western-land agent and the agent soon found Fellin’s heart’s desire in remote Wyoming. 

He bought the place — lock, stock and barrel — including the ranch’s sizable herds of registered cattle and high-bred performance Quarter Horses, and it’s impressive Yellowstone-like ranch mansion and barns. 

He took immediate possession and quickly bought all the pre-requisites for a cattle rancher — fancy dually-pickup with all the trimmings, a long stock trailer with living quarters, a pair of Border Collies, and a rear-window gun rack, with a gleaming new gold-engraved Marlin 32-caliber lever action rifle on full display.

Very soon, a group of Fellin’s Silicon Valley cohorts came for a visit. They found the impresario ranching tycoon relaxing on his front porch, nursing a tall glass of French-imported red wine, python-leather boots propped up on the porch railing. Fellin wuz gazing out across a vast herd of grazing cattle that seemed to stretch to the horizon.

Amazed and awestruck at the rural panorama, one of Fellin’s best friends, exclaimed, “Now that is an impressive sight! How many head of cows are out there?”

To which, ol’ Fellin replied, “Partner, can’t tell you that yet. They’re all grazing in the wrong direction and I can’t see their heads.”


An elderly farmer was ailing, so he went to see his primary care physician (we used to call them doctors). 

After a series of expensive tests, the medical team delivered some bad news. They told the old farmer he had no more then six months to live.

But, then the farmer delivered his own bad news — he couldn’t pay his out-of-sight medical bills within six months.

That’s when the doctor and his team delivered good news. They predicted the farmer would live for at least six more months.


Well, the calendar noted that spring officially arrived on March 20. The early spring weather in the Flint Hills has confirmed that the calendar is correct. In the few days, the temperature soared to 70, then dropped overnight to 14, then snowed a half-inch. Today, the weather is 47 and overcast,  with 0.08-inch of rain plus a real quick snow squall for a minute or two. I’ll add that the wind has mostly blown a gale from the southwest, but one afternoon it came in at the same velocity from the southeast.


And another of our spring resident bird species showed up a couple days ago. A single killdeer arrived and when I spied it, it was unaccountably mingling with a small flock of blackbirds. I don’t think the killdeer wuz ready to set up housekeeping. I haven’t seen it since. Guess it moved on north — or froze.


The gardening urge hit me the other day and I planted a quick bed of radishes. I’m hoping that the cold weather won’t kill the young plants and I’ll be munching on fresh radishes by late April.

Yesterday, I also overseeded some white clover in my chicken plots. It wuz right before the little shower today. I think the timing was good for germination.

I’ve got my sweet pea seed bought, but I’ve got to wait to plant until I can till the garden again. I always get gardening fever in the spring, but as I age out, I’m discovering that my gardening ambition is not matched by my gardening energy.

I’m not buying any seed potatoes this spring. I’ve got a sufficient pile of sprouted spuds left over from last fall to give us enuf potatoes for this summer.


Overheard at the local coffee shop: Rancher talking about returning home after an overnight trip: “On my way home yesterday, I stopped at a roadside diner for breakfast. It had a homelike atmosphere and it was actually like eating breakfast at home — cold coffee, runny eggs, limp bacon, and burnt toast.

A young farmer was bringing his young daughter up to speed on the family’s history. He and his young daughter were thumbing through a family photo album.

He finally came to the wedding pictures of him and his wife. “That’s a picture of Mommy and me getting married. It was wonderful. The best day of my life.”

His daughter looked up and asked earnestly, “Was that the day that Mommy first started working for us?”


Words of wisdom for the week: Modern math applied to big city traffic: “The number of horn blasts in a traffic jam is equal to the sum of the squares behind the wheels.”

“A race horse is the only animal capable of taking a few thousand persons for a ride at the same time.”

Have a good ‘un.

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