Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 10-31-11

Used to be people went to churches to eyeball possible eligible marriage partners (well, a few did). In the olden days, bachelors ordered mates out of a catalog. Okay, now that you mention it, they can still do that by going on line to dating services both in the States and most anywhere on the planet.

Back before all the digital help, hordes of bachelors populating frontier towns and cowboy and mining camps where they enjoyed a similar service called “Mail Order Brides.” Women came west to marry these lonesome guys, civilize ’em some, and follow up by establishing schools, churches and cleanliness. More or less fitted to the “Boll Weevil” tune, the story goes as follows:

Go West Young Woman

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Now, Mac the miner wrote off for a bride

Picked from a picture book

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Sent her a ticket plus five dollars

Hoped he’d not be forsook.

Guys Chorus …

Cuz he hadda have a home,

Yes, he hadda have a home

Oh he hadda have a home

He was prayin’ for a home.

Sally signed on and took a chance.

For her new abode she chose

Some curtains and things

to make a home nice

And a machine for sewing clothes.

Gals Chorus …

Cuz she hadda have a home,

Yes, she hadda have a home.

Oh she hadda have a home

She was prayin’ for a home.

Rancher Shorty wished hard for a wife.

He wanted a family.

He picked a bride who’d cook for him

And keep him company.

Guys Chorus …

Cuz he hadda have a home,

Yes, he hadda have a home.

Oh he hadda have a home

He was prayin’ for a home.

Miss Gertrude Jones took up the challenge

Traveled by stage out west.

Rode Wells Fargo for two long months

And she only had one dress.

Gals Chorus …

Cuz she hadda have a home,

Yes, she hadda have a home.

Oh she hadda have a home

She was prayin’ for a home.

 

Then trapper Johnny who never washed

Cleaned up and wrote a letter

Begged a gal to be his bride

For worse or maybe better.

Guys Chorus …

Cuz he hadda have a home,

Yes, he hadda have a home.

Oh he hadda have a home

He was prayin’ for a home.

Miss Prudence answered Johnny’s missive

Said she’d arrive in spring.

Confessed she was a widow woman

Her daughter, could she bring?

Gals Chorus …

Cuz she hadda have a home,

Yes, she hadda have a home.

Oh she hadda have a home

She was prayin’ for a home.

And Lonesome Lars a dryland farmer

Built a shack on the prairie.

And planted wheat and oats and barley

But yearned for a gal to marry.

Guys Chorus …

Cuz he hadda have a home,

Yes, he hadda have a home.

Oh he hadda have a home

He was prayin’ for a home.

Bignose Beulah debarked one day

From a coach (she rode shotgun)

She cracked her whip and hollered loud

“Lars! I’m here, Hon!”

Gals Chorus …

Cuz she hadda have a home,

Yes, she hadda have a home.

Oh she hadda have a home

She was prayin’ for a home.

Cowboy Clyde up on the highline

Yearned to have a bride

He filled in the form and sent it off

And waxed his mustache, his pride.

Guys Chorus …

Cuz he hadda have a home,

Yes, he hadda have a home.

Oh he hadda have a home

He was prayin’ for a home.

From Pennsylvania Pretty Polly

Taking a chance, went west.

She journeyed over hill and dale

Now, you all know the rest.

Gals Chorus …

Cuz she hadda have a home,

Yes, she hadda have a home.

Oh she hadda have a home

She was prayin’ for a home.

Guys met gals through the U.S. mail

And wedded one another.

They populated the golden west

As gals turned in to mothers.

Gals and Guys chorus …

And they hadda have a home,

Yes, they hadda have a home.

Oh they hadda have a home

They were prayin’ for a home.