Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 11-14-11 | TheFencePost.com

Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 11-14-11

Questionnaires, polls, quizzes – everywhere you turn, somebody is asking for your opinion, your preferences and possibly your virtue. Recently I received an email inquiry from a gal who resides in New Jersy.

She wanted to know the best method of attracting a cowboy. In the spirit of that request, here’s a question/answer list of tested approaches.

 Q: What is the best method for catching a cowboy?

A: There is no “best” method. But pie is a good opening ploy.

Q: Should I dress in a western costume?

A: No, leave that to the cowboy.

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Q: Do I have to know how to ride a horse?

A: Not if you can make good pies.

Q: If I bring my own horse, should I ride a western or an English saddle?

A: Definitely a western. A flat saddle is called a “postage stamp.” Stamps go on envelopes.

Q: When is the best time to meet a cowboy?

A: Payday.

Q: Where should I go to meet a cowboy?

A: Ranch ropings, rodeos, calving time, branding time and meal time, especially if there’s pie.

Q: What do cowboys like to read?

A: The weather report, livestock sale catalogs and the Fence Post.

Q: Are there different styles of cowboy?

A: Yes. Some are short, some tall, some chunky, some skinny, some mustached, some with plenty of top hair, some bald, some bearded, some blue-eyed, some brown, hazel, green or gray eyed.

Q: What do cowboys have anything in common with one another?

A: Pie.

Q: If I do meet a cowboy, how will I know that he likes me?

A: He’ll let you ride his horse. Once.

Q: Do cowboys really say yep and nope?

A: Yep.

Q: What should I wear on a first date with a cowboy?

A: Clothes.

Q: What kind of tattoo does a cowboy go for?

A: The kind that go on cow ears.

Q: What would a cowboy think if I have a tattoo?

A: That you’ve been in prison.

Q: What kind of girl does a cowboy like?

A: Tall, short, thin, chunky, blonde, brunette, redhead, especially if she can bake pie.

Q: What do cowboys do when they go on vacation?

A: What’s a vacation?

Q: What skills would a cowboy like in a girl friend.

A: Cooking, fencing and doing laundry.

Q: What’s a cowboy’s favorite activity?

A: Don’t ask. Bring pie.