Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 2-28-11

This is an old joke, but sometimes it’s fun to put a tall story into verse.

Sick, Sad and Sorry –

A Woeful Tale

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Cowboy Hank ordered a beer and a shot

determined to drown his pain.

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His life had gone sour, his dog had died

and his horse had pulled up lame.

His wife took up with a travelin’ man

and left the kids with him.

Hank fell into a fit of doldrums,

his mood turned sour and dim.

To drown his sorrows he went to the bar

and asked for a double shot.

“Bartender,” he said, “gimme a double,

I’m gonna drink till I drop.”

Right about then, a big burly biker

stomped into the bar.

Big as a tree with chains and tattoos,

you could see him from planet Mars.

He took a stool right next to Hank

and decided he’d have some fun

He grabbed Hank’s double and said

with a sneer, “Here’s to you old son!”

He swallowed Hank’s whiskey,

belched real loud & patted his biker gut

Then snarled, “Hey cowboy, you sorry twit,

wanna kick my butt?”

Ol’ Hank he quavered, tears in his voice,

“Don’t matter none to me,

Ain’t fightin’ you, don’t want the bother’

go on and let me be.”

Right about then, Hank started to cry

as he thought about his woes

The biker said, “Hey, stop with the

sniveling afore I smash yer nose!”

“Oh, yeah,” said Hank, “my life’s a mess,

and somebody stole my truck

I came in this bar to work up courage

to end my rotten luck.”

“I put a capsule in my whiskey;

I was watchin’ it dissolve

When you showed up & swallowed it down,

which gave me new resolve!”

“You’ve changed my luck, I feel real cheery,

now I’ll be on my way.”

The biker turned green, he started to sweat

as Hank said, “Have a nice day.”