Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 7-25-11
Start with a hat.
A cowboy hat’s made with great pains
To shield him from sunshine & rains
With a wide brim for sweat
So his eyes don’t get wet
And a crown that’s too big for his brains.
Put a face (often with decorative facial hair) under the hat.
Take warning oh, cowgirl, be wary
Of a puncher whose face is all hairy
He’ll puncture your lips
When he lays on a kiss
Which causes a gal not to tarry.
Around his throat, tie a fancy wildrag.
A cowboy from up in Montana
Tied on a handsome bandana
He winked at a chick
So she’d think him real slick
And they smooched on a big grand piana.
Add long sleeved (never short sleeves) shirt.
A cowboy won’t dress in short sleeves
No way will his arms feel a breeze
Cuz they never see light
They stay chicken white
Like two sticks of low-fat Swiss cheese.
Over the shirt, add a vest with plenty of pockets.
A cowboy has feelings quite tender
In his vest, he’s a picture of splendor
With places for snoose
And pocket change loose
He pretends he’s a really big spender.
Paint denim pants onto his legs.
A cowboy wears jeans very tight
As he ventures out in the night
When he can’t help sneezing
He ends up freezing
A part of him seeing the light.
Cinch up shirt and pants with a leather belt inscribed with his initials.
Cowboys wear belts of leather
In sunshine or rainy weather
Carved round with flowers
It has awesome powers
For it keeps shirt and pants all together.
Secure the belt with a dinner-plate
His buckle’s as big as a ‘tater
Or the snout of a large alligator
It can be used as a plate
Close a gap in a gate
Or impress a gal when he dates her.
Shoe the cowboy in pointy toed, high-heeled boots.
Pointy toed boots are the rage
For galloping over the sage
Or dancing or walking
Or sitting and talking
And boots don’t wear out, they just age.
Adorn the boots with spurs (of course).
A cowboy wears spurs on his bootheels
They clank like musical bell peals
When he kicks up too high
He’ll catch his own thigh
Then know how his suffering horse feels.
Don’t forget chaps – a must when riding the range.
Chaps are garments quite chic
They’re pants without any seat
In shotguns or chinks
A cowboy thinks
He’s a pistol and looks purty neat.
Put all together; add hair color of your choice and stand back …
He’s a cowboy quite tall in the saddle
Plumb splendid when riding for cattle
Should he fall for you
He’ll always be true
By your side he’ll hang and rattle.
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