Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 7-25-11 | TheFencePost.com

Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 7-25-11

Start with a hat.

A cowboy hat’s made with great pains

To shield him from sunshine & rains

With a wide brim for sweat

So his eyes don’t get wet

And a crown that’s too big for his brains.

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Put a face (often with decorative facial hair) under the hat.

Take warning oh, cowgirl, be wary

Of a puncher whose face is all hairy

He’ll puncture your lips

When he lays on a kiss

Which causes a gal not to tarry.

Around his throat, tie a fancy wildrag.

A cowboy from up in Montana

Tied on a handsome bandana

He winked at a chick

So she’d think him real slick

And they smooched on a big grand piana.

Add long sleeved (never short sleeves) shirt.

A cowboy won’t dress in short sleeves

No way will his arms feel a breeze

Cuz they never see light

They stay chicken white

Like two sticks of low-fat Swiss cheese.

Over the shirt, add a vest with plenty of pockets.

A cowboy has feelings quite tender

In his vest, he’s a picture of splendor

With places for snoose

And pocket change loose

He pretends he’s a really big spender.

Paint denim pants onto his legs.

A cowboy wears jeans very tight

As he ventures out in the night

When he can’t help sneezing

He ends up freezing

A part of him seeing the light.

Cinch up shirt and pants with a leather belt inscribed with his initials.

Cowboys wear belts of leather

In sunshine or rainy weather

Carved round with flowers

It has awesome powers

For it keeps shirt and pants all together.

Secure the belt with a dinner-plate

size buckle.

His buckle’s as big as a ‘tater

Or the snout of a large alligator

It can be used as a plate

Close a gap in a gate

Or impress a gal when he dates her.

Shoe the cowboy in pointy toed, high-heeled boots.

Pointy toed boots are the rage

For galloping over the sage

Or dancing or walking

Or sitting and talking

And boots don’t wear out, they just age.

Adorn the boots with spurs (of course).

A cowboy wears spurs on his bootheels

They clank like musical bell peals

When he kicks up too high

He’ll catch his own thigh

Then know how his suffering horse feels.

Don’t forget chaps – a must when riding the range.

Chaps are garments quite chic

They’re pants without any seat

In shotguns or chinks

A cowboy thinks

He’s a pistol and looks purty neat.

Put all together; add hair color of your choice and stand back …

He’s a cowboy quite tall in the saddle

Plumb splendid when riding for cattle

Should he fall for you

He’ll always be true

By your side he’ll hang and rattle.