Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 8-15-11 | TheFencePost.com

Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 8-15-11

In recent years, making the planet into a preferred Eden means ridding the earth of on-the-hoof-or-claw food. Anything with a face or feet are not to be on your dinner table. (Which I guess means it’s okay to eat worms. I’m not sure about bugs, slugs or snails. Also not sure about fish, squid, octopus or shrimp … they mostly don’t have feet, but I’d allow they usually have a face of some sort).

Most of the world’s population ingests protein originating mainly in cattle, sheep, hogs and wild game although there are variations in different cultures – some of which I don’t want to know about (cannibalism comes to mind).

Steak eaters, do not despair, P.E.T.A. is coming to the rescue. That organization has awarded a big batch of money to a molecular biologist to make steak in a petri dish. No, I’m not making this up. You can check it out at http://www.NorthernAg.net/AGNews/tabid/171/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/4398/Meat-from-Petri-Dish-to-Plate.aspx. It was published in the Kansas City Star on July 28, written by columnist Scott Canon.

The biologist plans to “grow muscle tissue, multiplying endlessly a single cow, pig or chicken cell to create ton after ton of meat.”

Now, isn’t that special … There’s a couple of problems with big blob meat. Since they have no feet, they’d be hard to herd. Instead of cowboys, would riders be blob boys? Instead of riding horseback and rounding up the cattle, would Blob Boys merely use scoop shovels to roll the tissue around on a giant petri dish? (Think of that Scottish game of curling – you know where a team of players hustles a granite stone around on a sheet of ice).

But what about forms of meat? Blob creators would want to shape the blob into steak, chops, burgers, hot dogs, whatever … wouldn’t they?

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How would they make a French dip? Or a chicken fried blob? Not to mention a rare sirloin? Which raises the question … would a fresh-cut chunk of blob bleed?

In this quest for protein to avoid eating flesh, perhaps the microbiologist and P.E.T.A. partners should consider the amoeba. Amoebas are “unicellular organisms typically found in freshwater on decaying vegetation.” (Right away you can see how to recycle Vegetarian and Vegan refuse). “All amoebae have a single nucleus and a simple contractile vacuole.” (A vacuole is basically an intake, outgo cavity in the cell – which is to say it eats and evacuates from the same place – if I’ve got that wrong, don’t tell me).

An amoeba doesn’t have feet. It has little projections (sort of) called pseudopods or “false feet.” Passionate P.E.T.A. folk need not worry. They don’t look like feet and nary an amoeba has a face. Or for that matter, the critters don’t have any stable form. Picture a droplet of clear ooze that moves around.

Amoeba was first called “Proteus animalcule,” after a Greek God who could transform his shape. Bery St. Vincent gave it the name “amibe” from the Greek word amoibe, meaning change.

Okay, if growing blob or amoeba protein doesn’t suit, how about worm ranching? Would P.E.T.A. object? Easy to start a worm ranch. A rainy night, a flashlight, and you can round up a herd of night crawlers in no time.

 

In recent years, making the planet into a preferred Eden means ridding the earth of on-the-hoof-or-claw food. Anything with a face or feet are not to be on your dinner table. (Which I guess means it’s okay to eat worms. I’m not sure about bugs, slugs or snails. Also not sure about fish, squid, octopus or shrimp … they mostly don’t have feet, but I’d allow they usually have a face of some sort).

Most of the world’s population ingests protein originating mainly in cattle, sheep, hogs and wild game although there are variations in different cultures – some of which I don’t want to know about (cannibalism comes to mind).

Steak eaters, do not despair, P.E.T.A. is coming to the rescue. That organization has awarded a big batch of money to a molecular biologist to make steak in a petri dish. No, I’m not making this up. You can check it out at http://www.NorthernAg.net/AGNews/tabid/171/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/4398/Meat-from-Petri-Dish-to-Plate.aspx. It was published in the Kansas City Star on July 28, written by columnist Scott Canon.

The biologist plans to “grow muscle tissue, multiplying endlessly a single cow, pig or chicken cell to create ton after ton of meat.”

Now, isn’t that special … There’s a couple of problems with big blob meat. Since they have no feet, they’d be hard to herd. Instead of cowboys, would riders be blob boys? Instead of riding horseback and rounding up the cattle, would Blob Boys merely use scoop shovels to roll the tissue around on a giant petri dish? (Think of that Scottish game of curling – you know where a team of players hustles a granite stone around on a sheet of ice).

But what about forms of meat? Blob creators would want to shape the blob into steak, chops, burgers, hot dogs, whatever … wouldn’t they?

How would they make a French dip? Or a chicken fried blob? Not to mention a rare sirloin? Which raises the question … would a fresh-cut chunk of blob bleed?

In this quest for protein to avoid eating flesh, perhaps the microbiologist and P.E.T.A. partners should consider the amoeba. Amoebas are “unicellular organisms typically found in freshwater on decaying vegetation.” (Right away you can see how to recycle Vegetarian and Vegan refuse). “All amoebae have a single nucleus and a simple contractile vacuole.” (A vacuole is basically an intake, outgo cavity in the cell – which is to say it eats and evacuates from the same place – if I’ve got that wrong, don’t tell me).

An amoeba doesn’t have feet. It has little projections (sort of) called pseudopods or “false feet.” Passionate P.E.T.A. folk need not worry. They don’t look like feet and nary an amoeba has a face. Or for that matter, the critters don’t have any stable form. Picture a droplet of clear ooze that moves around.

Amoeba was first called “Proteus animalcule,” after a Greek God who could transform his shape. Bery St. Vincent gave it the name “amibe” from the Greek word amoibe, meaning change.

Okay, if growing blob or amoeba protein doesn’t suit, how about worm ranching? Would P.E.T.A. object? Easy to start a worm ranch. A rainy night, a flashlight, and you can round up a herd of night crawlers in no time.