Gwen Peterson: End of the summer heat has farmers wishing for rain, relief |

Gwen Peterson: End of the summer heat has farmers wishing for rain, relief

Cracks in the desert
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Currently, it’s summertime fun in the business of agriculture. Prolonged and soaring temperatures sometimes causing low yields on grain and hay crops. Forest fires everywhere. The occasional tiny spit-ups of rain are followed by wind that dries the terrain as if there’d been no rain at all. Water in irrigation ditches is so low, fights break out between neighbors. Ditch riders carry pistols to settle disputes. …how hot and dry is it?

It’s so hot and dry, Fish, Wildlife and Parks personnel are teaching fish to breathe dust.

It’s so hot and dry, shrubbery has started chasing the dogs and begging them to please lift their legs.

It’s so hot and dry, self-sticking stamps have lost their stickum.

“It’s so hot and dry, environmentalists have added water to the endangered species list.”

It’s so hot and dry, the Yellowstone River has turned into a very long puddle.

It’s so hot and dry, ranchers are irrigating with grasshopper spit.

It’s so hot and dry, cats and rabbits go wading in the horsetank, the water rising almost to their ankles.

It’s so hot and dry, dogs’ tongues are hanging so far out, they’re almost tripping up the dogs.

It’s so hot and dry, the north 40 pasture is as bare of grass as a board.

It’s so hot and dry, waterfalls have dwindled to water trickles.

It’s so hot and dry, the town swimming pool has turned into the town wading puddle.

It’s so hot and dry, the water in the waterslide is so minimal the tube has become a metal slide. Kids bring pillows to protect their rears. It’s so hot and dry, water in irrigation ditches has dwindled to seepage.

It’s so hot and dry, politicians are—as usual—blowing hot air on one another.

It’s so hot and dry, the President says it is value-added and therefore beneficial to the economy.

It’s so hot and dry, environmentalists have added water to the endangered species list.

It’s so hot and dry, caterpillars have shed their fuzz just to cool off.

It’s so hot and dry, crematoriums are turning the heat down because there’s nothing left of the loved one but a thimbleful of ash.

It’s so hot and dry, grasshoppers have stopped hopping.

It’s so hot and dry, you can roast pork while it’s still on the hoof.

It’s so hot and dry, ice cubes become warmish dew-drops in less than ten seconds.

It’s so hot and dry, chickens linger under horses’ tails just to catch a breeze.

It’s so hot and dry, you can sauté onions on the hood of a truck.

It’s so hot and dry, tourists are giving up and going home early.

It’s so hot and dry, a Congressman is introducing a bill to tax temperature.

It’s so hot and dry, but the Governor claims it’s not that hot.

It’s so hot and dry, lawyers have stripped to their briefs.

It’s so hot and dry, environmentalists are collecting sweat as a conservation measure.

It’s so hot and dry, three cowboys were caught wearing shorts — while horseback. 

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