Gwen Peterson: How to tell if you’ve found a genuine cowboy
These days, it’s not always easy to find, meet or shake hands with a genuine cowboy. Old timer, Luke, a retired cowpoke too stove up to climb on his horse has decided to write a memoir of cowboy life. Luke claims it’s sometimes hard to tell a real cowboy from a wannabe. So, he listed ways to identify those whose working lives center on the fine art of raising four-footed food.
If he wears tall boots with underslung heels…he might be a cowboy.
If he kisses his horse and pats his wife…he might be a cowboy.
If his boots have a brownish substance on the toes instead of a polish…he might be a cowboy.
If he can read a brand on a critter from the road while driving a pickup…he might be a cowboy.
If he has a birth name that nobody remembers, but answers to “Lefty” or “Slim” or “Ace”…he might be a cowboy.
If a waiter asks how he wants his steak cooked and he answers: “Wave it above a hot skillet” …he might be a cowboy.
If he knows the definition of swather, baler, backhoe…he might be a cowboy.
If he knows dozens of horse breeds, saddle makers and boot makers…he might be a cowboy.
If he knows how to operate a pair of fencing pliers and a post pounder…he might be a cowboy.
If he knows how to use a 30 foot lariat to snag a snaky critter out on open prairie…he might be a cowboy.
If he thinks the word “vegetarian” is Indian lingo for “poor hunter”…he might be a cowboy.
If he thinks the word “vegan” is a newly discovered planet…he might be a cowboy.
If he gets up before dawn to begin a cattle roundup…he might be a cowboy.
If he thinks “an essential oil” is either Bag Balm or WD 40…he might be a cowboy.
If he thinks “gluten free” means there’s no scum on the water in the horse tank …he might be a cowboy.
If he thinks sugar-free and dairy-free means he drinks his coffee black…he might be a cowboy.
If his boots, saddle, horse, bandana, pickup and belt buckle all carry a carved, stamped or painted brand…he might be a cowboy.
If he thinks “salt-free” means the mineral block needs replacing…he might be a cowboy.
If he thinks “free-range” means his cows got out on the neighbor’s pasture…he might be a cowboy.
If he asks a waiter for a sugar-free, low-fat, non-dairy, peanut-free, gluten-free, no msg, low carb, no genetically modified organisms, no fructose…he might be a cowboy ordering steak. ❖