Heading to the Valley of the Sun | TheFencePost.com

Heading to the Valley of the Sun

Laugh Tracks in the Dust
Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

Hope you’re enjoying these Aggie Limericks. They’re fun and easy to write.

I should be in Arizona when you read this. I’ll probably start writing about our adventure’s in the Valley of the Sun by next week. No promises. So, on with the limericks.

• • •

A young farm lass named Bright,

Whose speed was much faster than light.

Went out on a date

(in a relative way)

And came home the previous night.

• • •

And old sheep shearer named Sinclair.

Claimed “I’m the fastest at this year’s fair.”

And, to validate his claim

To his sheep-shearing fame.

At all times kept one fleece in the air.

• • •

A vain ranch lady named “Toots.”

Had her face lifted by a surgeon named Shutes.

Shutes said, “I’ve great news.

There’s skin enough, if you choose.

To make a nice custom pair of ‘Toots’ Boots.”

• • •

An energetic young sawyer named Pauling

Wields a chainsaw for his life’s calling.

He’ll fire up his Stihl,

And by a tree trunk he’ll kneel,

And cord the tree up while it was falling.

• • •

An insensitive cow buyer named Minge

Would go on a cow buying binge,

He’d skin you out of your stock,

Right down to your socks.

And his conscience felt nary a twinge.

• • •

A hardworking iron worker from Duluth,

Got drunk every day on Vermouth.

He’d say “This I know.

That I’ve got bad B.O.

But I hope you don’t think me uncouth.”

• • •

A magnanimous farmer named Kapers.

Managed poorly his farm and his labors.

Rationalizing, he’d say,

“Don’t worry. It’s okay.

It brings joy to my gossipy neighbors.”

• • •

An FFA Greenhand named Wilbur McCetrums

Thought this smart remark one of his best ones,

Told his teachers, “I’m sure, sirs,

I’ve got all of the answers.

If you’ll test me with all the right questions.”

• • •

An inept bull fighter named Slight

Got trampled by the bull every night.

Told his agent, “I’m hurt,

And what don’t hurt, doesn’t work

I’m afraid this ain’t Slight’s night to fight.”

• • •

Strange things happen on rural roads. A hired man wuz driving his boss’s truck load of grain to the elevator. He wuz speeding and got pulled over by a friendly deputy sheriff.

The deputy asked to see the hired man’s driver’s license, to which he retorted sharply, “I wish you policemen would get your act together. Just yesterday another policeman took my license away and now today you expect me to show it to you.”

• • •

Self-driving cars scare me. Here’s a story why: A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the Kansas Turnpike. Glanced at the car as he passed, he could see that the lady in the car wuz knitting — obviously using both hands.

He turned on his flashing lights and siren, but the knitter just kept on knitting. So, he pulled up real close to her driver’s side window, got out his manual bullhorn and shouted as loud as he could, “Pull over.”

The startled lady rolled down the window and replied, “It is not. It’s a scarf.”

• • •

Time for my timeless words of wisdom for the week. Always be yourself. Those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter. Have a good ‘un. ❖

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