In a Sow’s Ear 11-15-10 |

In a Sow’s Ear 11-15-10

Is it a bird? A plane? A mystery missile? A UFO? Somebody showing off? Government agencies don’t know (so they claim). Californians (those who haven’t moved to Montana and Idaho) are puzzled – even worried.

Not to worry. Mystery solved. The mystery flying object originated just west of Sweet Grass County, Mont. Ima Jean Grubbledinger is old-fashioned. She hangs her washing outside on a clothesline. Which she did as usual on a usual Monday. However, it’s shipping time at the ranch. As an “instant hired hand,” she was drafted to help husband, Gomer Grubbledinger, round up and sort cattle. Naturally, volunteer wanna-be cowboys and cowgirls “helped” with the round up. Then, naturally, they had to be fed. And naturally, Ima Jean was chief cook.

To make a sorry story shorter, Ima Jean failed to collect the wash before dark set in. Oh, well, she thought. It can wait till morning.

That night the temperature dropped to freezing. And naturally, the clothes on the line froze into weird art-object shapes. And then the wind came up. Really up. Ima Jean rose in the early morning and remembered she needed to collect the washing. She stepped outside into a gale of a gazillion miles per hour just in time to see Gomer’s long johns start to lift off.

“OH, NO!” she yelped, did a flying-tackle leap, grabbed onto the long john legs and refused to let go.

Probably not the best idea considering what happened. That unholy wind took her and the flying long john’s to tree-top height. Well, she certainly couldn’t turn loose at that altitude.

Like the fairy tale of the Little Prince on a magic carpet, Ima Jean flew over the golf course, whipped high above the stockyards and blew on westward. The higher the wind took her the tighter her hold. Finally, the flying underwear went so high, it left a vapor trail.

So, relax California. What you saw was Ima Jean Grubbledinger riding Gomer’s long johns. Please don’t shoot her down. As fast and high as she’s going, the garment will unfreeze and drop her in the ocean. The Navy can send out a rescue ship. By the time the Government Boys debrief her, she should be home by Christmas.

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