In a Sow’s Ear 11-8-10 |

In a Sow’s Ear 11-8-10

My dictionary defines oxymoron as: A combination of contradictory or incongruous words (as cruel kindness). From the Greek: oxy- sharp, keen+ moros-foolish.

In one of those 4 a.m. sessions – you know when the cats want out (or in), when the liquid you imbibed earlier requires recycling or when you decide that as long as you’re awake you might as well think about oxymorons and oxymoronic convictions and actions.

For instance, isn’t it oxymoronic if one claims one adheres to “all natural” if one:

… dyes one’s hair

… wears lipstick

… drinks any kind of soda

… shaves one’s legs or one’s kisser

… uses electricity

… lives in a house instead of a cave

… believes it’s ok to kill fleas and bedbugs but against the law to dispatch wolves

… wears any kind of clothing (do nudists wear shoes?)

… wears false teeth

… wears spectacles

… eats margarine

… sits at a computer typing this list

… uses birth control

… wears shoes

… erects fences

… erects buildings

… uses toilet paper

… wears nail polish

… cooks one’s food

… sits on a chair

… drinks from a glass

… cooks food on a stove

… uses a saddle and bridle on a horse

… vaccinates against illness

… uses anything digital

Oxymorons couplets:

• Global warming

• Climate change

• Honest politicians

• Vegetarian smokers

• Government aid

• Nearly pregnant

• Almost ready

• Political correctness

• Bad luck

• True story

Well, by now, you get the idea. Life is not only one darned thing after another, it’s one darned oxymoronic oxymoron after another.

I’m naming my next cow dog “Oxy.”

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