I read the article with a certain awe, And when I finished, I said, “Awww”,

For it seems that fish

in the Potomac river

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Are becoming creatures that’ll quiver your liver.

 

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Headlines blared the shocking news, and it’s giving the EPA the blues;

For they’ve found some fish

of the male persuasion

That are layin’ eggs “

now ain’t that amazin’?

 

The water’s polluted with pesticides,

And turning fish into hermaphrodites;

Now more of my taxes are going to pay

For me to worry about fishy ways. 

 

And then I read about a little bitty insect

The government says it must protect;

Now I must worry

about bugs in my bed,

Do I want to preserve ’em

or make ’em dead?

 

But that’s not all, for I also read,

While spreading butter

on my toasted bread,

That prophylactics are to be given to men

Incarcerated felons

in the federal pen!

 

This is the way, the government states,

To halt the excessive spread of Aids;

More taxes the government’s gonna spend

So I won’t worry about love in the pen?  

 

What I read in the paper,

well, it makes me frown,

My blood pressure goes up;

my enjoyment goes down;

Then I look out the window

and there go my friends,

Manes whipping like flags

as they race with the winds.

 

The heck with newspapers,

movies, TV,

The news that they bring

does nothing for me;

But give me a horse

on a warm summer day,

And joy fills my heart;

I’ve no more to say.