In a Sow’s Ear 2-8-10 | TheFencePost.com

In a Sow’s Ear 2-8-10

Telephones, these days, are itty bitty gismos you can pack in your pocket, purse, saddlebag, holster or any weensy spot on your person or equipment. One particular cowboy (referred to here as Zeke) carries his cell phone in the sweatband of his hat. That location makes handy access for him when he’s herding cattle. No scrunching about trying to extract the phone from the pocket his of shirt or jeans. He can reach up (one-handed), grab the phone, flip it open … well, you get the idea. He’s thinking of taking out a cell-phone hat-holster patent.

In the pickup, his hat-band phone works for him about the same way as when he’s trailing cows … easy access to his communication device. (Forget placing a phone on the dash of his pickup. It could be lost for years among the layers of debris). Zeke never misplaces his hat, though a couple of times it got knocked off by a bronc.

Though Zeke has adapted to the technology of cell phones (sort of), he hasn’t caught on to telemarketers. One morning Zeke and his friend, Cowboy Clyde, saddled up to ride out to the south 40 to check the pregnant cows. As they trotted over hill and dale, Zeke’s hat-band cell phone jangled a tune: Yippie-yi-ohhh, yippi-yi- aaay …

Zeke: (Snatching phone from hatband) “Yeah?”

Salesperson: “Good morning, is this Mr. Zeke?”

Zeke: “Yeah.”

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Salesperson: “Mr. Zeke, this is Ralph Doubledip with Catastrophes and Travails Life and Health Insurance Company. I sent you a letter regarding your insurance. Do you recall receiving it?”

Zeke: (long pause)

Salesperson: “Mr. Zeke?”

Zeke: (spurring his horse up a short rise) “I didn’t get what you said. Who’d you say you are?”

Salesperson: “This is Ralph Doubledip of the Catastrophes and Travails Life Insurance and Health Company. I sent you a letter. Mr. Zeke, our company deals in very affordable health and life insurances …”

Zeke: (interrupting to yell at Clyde) “Turn that old sister back Clyde! She’s a snaky one!”

Salesperson: “Er, excuse me?”

Zeke: (into phone) “So, whatcha need?”

Salesperson: (stuttering a bit) “Well, er, a, are you in need of any life or health insurance?”

Zeke: (long pause) “You want what?”

Salesperson: (scratchy breathing) “Life insurance. Health insurance. Do you need any?”

Zeke: “No.”

Salesperson: (somewhat frantic) “You have plenty of insurance to meet your needs?”

Zeke: “No.”

Salesperson: (irritably) “You have all the coverage you feel you need?”

Zeke: “No.”

Salesperson: (shaky voice) “I see.”

Zeke: “No.”

“Click.” Salesperson hangs up.

Cowboy Clyde comes trotting up alongside Zeke. “Who were ya jawin’ with?”

Zeke. “Dunno. Some feller. I didn’t get what he wanted.”