There are strange things done ‘neath the western sun

By a woman who

marries a cowboy;

---

---

She’ll face some woes

that she never knows

---

---

Will lessen her new-wedded joy.

To make a hand in a western land

Takes grit and sense and a laugh,

Like the night on the ranch,

Alice Mae took a chance

And helped a cow birth a calf.

She came from the city, her hair was flippy,

It shone like liquid gold;

He called her his bride to be by his side

Together they’d grow old.

“Alice Mae,” said he, “I’ll teach you to be

A Queen here on this land”;

For she knew very little, not even a piddle

Of how to make a hand.

He showed her the cattle

and bought her a saddle

So she could ride the prairie;

He showed her the axe

with which she could whack

Rooster heads off squarely.

To bring in the wood, she understood

Each day Alice Mae was learning

But first she must split a whole lot of it,

Her blistered hands were burning.

And the old milk cow,

he brought near the house

So she could milk her dry;

“She’s gentle,” he said,

but Alice Mae felt dread,

It made her want to cry.

But for Alice Mae there was no other way,

She determined to stay the course;

With true western grit,

she pulled the cow’s tit

And got kicked with bovine force.

In calving season, she nearly lost her reason,

For sleep went out the door;

To the barn she must trek

for cows must be checked

Every two hours, no more.

Though she quivered her lip,

she made a night trip

Dressed in her Carhartt and gown;

An old cow was trying,

but she might be dying!

For she was stretched out on the ground.

Alice Mae prayed that the calf she could save

Two little feet stuck out;

Alice fell on her knees

and rolled up her sleeves

And took a hold real stout.

She pulled like the devil;

kept the tension level

And out slid the little calf;

It lay in the straw;

Alice Mae stared in awe

And then she softly laughed.

Dawn came around when her cowboy found

Alice Mae on the floor in the barn;

She made quite a picture

but she said with a mixture

Of real surprise and alarm,

“Oh, the calfie’s alive,

but he’s gooey with slime,

I want to make him look nice!”

Her cowboy was grinning

a smile most winning

As he drawled these words of advice.

“You understand, Honey,

you’re that little calf’s mummy,”

And he gave a chuckling cough;

“Get ready and set

for that calf is real wet,

so now ” You got to lick ‘im off.”

There are strange things done

‘neath the western sun

By a woman who marries a cowboy;

She’ll face some woes

that she seldom knows

Will lessen her wedded joys.

To make a hand in a western land

Takes grit and sense and a laugh,

Such as the night on the ranch

Alice Mae took a chance

And helped an ‘ol cow birth a calf.