In a Sow’s Ear |

In a Sow’s Ear

Beef is bad for you ” so say the food police, the corporate moguls and zealot vegetarians. I say: Twaddle. Balderdash. Drivel. Claptrap. Baloney. Hogwash. Nonsense. Garbage. Gobbledy-gook. Gibberish. Mumbo-jumbo. Tripe. Trash.

Maybe it’s my age, but I can’t stand the junk products screaming from grocery store shelves ” I hate the ballyhooed cures for every ailment known and unknown sold in drugstores and I particularly loathe the plastic garbage called “TV” dinners and the mystery dishes served up in many restaurants and all fast food establishments.

Walk down a grocery aisle and find breakfast cereal packaged in boxes that shout “nutritional” facts at you. Balderdash. Those jillions of varieties of cereal might start out with a smidgen of actual oats, wheat, corn, barley, but corporations can make a whole lot more money if they chemically add, rearrange and change the composition. Each box claims a different glorious taste with “added” items that purport to make you beautiful, healthy, and wise. Drivel! What really happens is that the processed tripe can make you fat, contribute to diabetes, heartburn and cause you to pass gas. (But beef is bad for you?)

Browse those grocery store aisles once again. Notice all those “helper” packages? That helper hype on the package is pure manipulative mumbo-jumbo. Might as well let a rattler bite you as be “helped” to consume processed substances that’ll make you fat, contribute to diabetes, heartburn and cause you to pass gas. (But beef is bad for you?)

Don’t you love the way the health police are worried about obesity, but the corporations figured out that if they marketed 32-ounce colas, double-sized orders of fries, they’d make more money? (Drop the price per ounce on a bigger bottle, but sell more ounces. Ditto McDonald super fries). You can buy “Chicken McNuggets” which are constructed of a bazillion different additives, deep-fried and hyped as “fewer calories than beef patties.” Claptrap. A serving of those chalky chunks can make you fat, contribute to diabetes, heartburn and cause you to pass gas. (But beef is bad for you?)

Personally, I eat as much beef as I want. Lean, juicy, yummy. Calving season is here and I say, thank you to livestock growers who brave the elements to make sure each cow gives birth to my future steaks, roasts and burgers. I say, bravo! Keep up the good work! Don’t let Big Brother beat you down! The following can be warbled to the tune of “Beautiful Brown Eyes”:

Ode to Beef Growers

Beautiful beautiful beef cows,

Fertilizing the ranch.

Rolling their eyes and a-bawling,

They’re doing the cow-calving dance.


Beautiful, beautiful beef cows

Beautiful beautiful beef cows

Beautiful, beautiful beef cows

He’ll always love his cows of beef

Seven long years he’s been calving,

Calving the beautiful cows.

Helping the heifers in trouble,

To save every calf is his vow.


Down to the cowbarn he staggered,

A heifer was trying to calve.

One foot stuck out of her backside,

The pullers he started to grab.


The heifer she bellered and chased him,

He dodged and he ducked and he cussed.

He shook out a loop and he roped her,

She pawed up a big cloud of dust.


Why, oh why does he worry,

Worry and fret and lose sleep

He calves out his beautiful beef cows,

To create the good food we eat



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