In a Sow’s Ear | TheFencePost.com

In a Sow’s Ear

The annual Toot, Snoot, ‘n Hoot Chili Contest, Comedy Show and Dance is now history. The show is a fund-raiser to help fledgling playwrights and performers attend workshops in those arenas. While a playwright can write about any subject he or she wishes, the Toot Scholarship program is especially keen on encouraging the creation of plays based on the rich heritage of the west. Every rural community and small town of our western states is chock full of great stories. The goal of the Toot Fund is to subsidize folks who wish to attend workshops and seminars in performing and playwriting. It’s important that we herd those stories onto the printed page in the form of plays ” a legacy for future generations.

Here’s a partial recap of the 2007 Toot, Snoot, ‘n Hoot show.

We started with honoring the flag with UNCLE SAM & AUNT SAMANTHA. A guitar player and a flute player, garbed in patriotic garments, entered the auditorium. They marched down the center aisle strumming “You’re a Grand Old Flag.” They finished on stage with “God Bless America.” While the crowd was still standing, hands on their hearts, a local singer who owns a glorious soprano voice, sang “The Star Spangled Banner.”

And then the show went for foolish fun as country stars of the past dropped by ” starting with Cowboy Bob and the King … Elvis, that is. He swivel-hipped with loose-jointed verve as he belted out “Blue Moon.”

In Heartbreak Hotel, the livin’ is high,

Cuz Elvis Presley didn’t really die.

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He still croons his tunes and makes girls cry

Here’s Cowboy Bob; he’ll tell you no lies

Minnie Pearl’s “HOWDY”!

shook the rafters.

Her name was Minnie Pearl

And she was quite a girl.

Wore a PRICE TAG hat

Now what d’ya think of that?

Loretta Lynn couldn’t make it due to a health issue, but her sister, Crystal Gail came on board with “Don’t That Make My Brown Eyes Blue.”

We promised you Loretta Lynne,

She had a problem and couldn’t get in.

So we went riding down the trail

And here’s her sister, Crystal Gail.

Naturally, there were gospel songs rendered by The Saggy Bottom Dames as well as the Soggy Bottom Boys who crooned, “Always Take Mother’s Advice” and “Man of Constant Sorrow”, respectively. The Boys wore beards. The Dames didn’t.

Oh, Saggy Bottom Dames sure like to sing

Any kind of tune is just their thing.

They like to croon old gospel songs

From olden days of times long gone.

Splendid are the ways of those

Who sing about their turrible woes

Of sadness, misery and sorrow

And what they’ll do to fix tomorrow.

The Monarch of Misery sang a doleful tune about the “Orchard by the Road”. The Country Bump-Kids enchanted the audience with “There’s A Hole In My Bucket.” Holly Dunn and Patsy Cline both showed up. The Global Warming Goddess offered a rueful commentary in a blues number. An orangutan told jokes in between acts. Sasquatch wandered in. Carrie Nation stormed on stage carrying an axe and an attitude. The Percolators, a group of senior kitchen- band enthusiasts, rendered a chorus of “Keep on the Sunnyside” every little while.

Space does not permit retelling the entire evening, but know that it started with a chili contest. Winners were chosen by the public who tasted the assorted chili offerings and voted for their favorite. For those who like beer, a micro-brewery brought a choice of several flavors. After stuffing on chili, the crowd took their places to watch the Whippin’ and Spurrin’ Comedy show.

Have you figured out “Toot, Snoot, ‘n Hoot”? Toot, of course, is for the beans you ate; Snoot for the beer you may have consumed and Hoot is for the Comedy that had you holding your sides. Followed thereafter by a Boot-Scootin’ Country Dance.

As the feller said, a good time was had by all. And the Toot Scholarship Fund is off to a first-rate start.