It’s Holiday time and people need to travel which ” for some ” necessitates traveling via an airplane. Unless you’re subsidized by a corporation or well-heeled or a peripatetic politician and thus can shell out for a first class seat up front, you’re just another worm in the chute. Squashing, discomfort, bad food, misery, pain, repugnance ” make up your own loathsome words for the odious experience of flying.

There’s a folk song ” “Happy Days Are Here Again” ” written in 1929 by J. Yellen and M. Ager. The following is a parody dedicated to all airlines and anyone who must board a flying machine. This ditty could be your mantra. Sing it especially when you go through airport security checks. Those workers whose job it is to pat down grannies, baby carriages, arthritics on walkers and people in wheelchairs could use a smidge of fun.

Mis’ry Trips Are Here Again

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Verse:

Airport bad times

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Airport sad times

I am totally aghast

Hello grim times

On the airlines

Where torture lasts and

Lasts and lasts, cause:

Chorus:

Mis’ry trips are here again

The skies above are full again

Of travelers in the air again

Mis’ry trips are here again

Altogether, shout it now

There’s no one who can doubt it now

Terminals are torture now

Mis’ry trips are here again

Suffering goes on and on

No more comfort from now on

Mis’ry trips are here again

The skies above are full again

Of travelers in the air again

Mis’ry trips are here again

The airline hype frantically pouring from television and radio attempts to convince me that things are going to be different, improve, change for the better. All flights will be nothing but bliss, seats will recline so you can actually sleep, stewards will bring you gourmet food and no 400 pound individual will be wedged next to you.

If you are going somewhere by air over the holidays, let me know how it goes.

Personally I’m traveling by train, horse and shank’s mare.