In a Sow’s Ear | TheFencePost.com

In a Sow’s Ear

by Gwen Petersen
Big Timber, Mont.

First: Look at his hat.

A cowboy hat’s made with great pains.

To shield him from sunshine and rains.

With a wide band for sweat,

So his eyes don’t get wet.

And a crown that’s too big for his brains.

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Second: Take a look under the hat for facial hair.

Take warning cowgirls, be wary

Of a cowpoke whose face is all hairy.

It might tickle a bit,

If you go lip to lip.

Which might give you cause not to tarry.

Third: He must be wearing a wild rag around his throat if he’s a true puncher of the west.

A cowboy from up in Montana.

Tied on a handsome bandana.

Then winked at a chick.

She thought him real slick.

They kissed on the top of a big grand piana.

Fourth: He wears a long-sleeved shirt. No true cowpoke wears short sleeves, short pants or sandals.

A cowboy won’t dress in short sleeves

No way will his arms feel a breeze.

They never see light,

And stay chicken white.

Like two sticks of low-fat Swiss cheese.

Five: A vest with many pockets is mandatory. No vest is ever actually washed, but sometimes it gets caught in the rain.

In his vest, he’s a man of great splendor.

When he goes on a holiday bender.

He drinks beer and whiskey

And tends to get frisky.

With those of the feminine gender.

Six: Blue jeans: Wranglers, Levis, Lee’s ” denim is the name of the game … Denim cloth came into popular use in the early 1900’s. When jeans become faded patched, frayed, frazzled, holey rags, city dudes wear them as a fashion statement.

Cowboys don’t launder their pants,

For that would be taking a chance.

They’d bind and they’d bite

And shrink so darned tight.

They wouldn’t be able to dance.

Seven: Belts. Cowboys wear belts of leather with their names carved on the back ” in case they forget who they are.

Cowboys wear belts of stout leather.

No matter the season or weather.

It’s carved round with flowers.

And has awesome powers.

It keeps shirt and pants all together.

Eight: Buckles. Of shiny metal and stout enough to stop a speeding bullet, a buckle usually announces a win in a rodeo or team-roping competition.

His buckle’s as big as a tater,

Or the snout of a large alligator.

It can be used as a plate.

Close a gap in a gate.

Or blink at a girl to date her.

Nine: In cowboy land, boots are pointy toed with under-slung heels. Many cowboys can dance up a storm in boots that would cripple them if they had to walk any distance.

Pointy toed boots are the rage

For galloping over the sage.

Or dancing or walking,

Or sitting and talking.

Boots don’t wear out, they just age.

Ten: Spurs: Cowboys in the old days always wore spurs, jingly ones.

The cowboy wore spurs on his boot heels

And clanked ’em like musical bell peals.

He kicked up so high

He caught his own thigh.

Now he knows how his suffering horse feels.

These tips may be pasted on the refrigerator for quick reference.