In a Sow’s Ear: On government, Will Rogers said it best

Gwen Petersen
Big Timber, Mont.

The world of government bureaucracy never ceases to amaze, antagonize and amuse.

Fiction writers don’t have to depend on imagination to think up the bizarre, the stupid, the strange, the insane, the erotic, the … well, feel free to insert your own adjectives.

Washington is a constant tax-supported “reality show.”

Will Rogers put it best from his wry-eyed perspective:

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Congressional Diary

Monday — Soak the rich.

Tuesday — Begin hearing from the rich.

Tuesday Afternoon — Decide to give the rich a chance to get richer.

Wednesday — Tax Wall Street sales.

Thursday — Get word from Wall Street: Lay off us or you will get no campaign contributions.

Thursday afternoon — Decide we are wrong on Wall Street.

Friday — Soak the little fellow.

Saturday — Find out there is no little fellow. He has been soaked until he drowned.

Sunday — Meditate.

Next week — Same procedure, only more talk and less results.

The latest reality show entertainment comes to us from that time-tested benevolent institution, the Internal Revenue Service fondly referred to as the IRS.

At your next party, pick out a flattering lampshade, place it on your noggin, utilize the coffee table as a stage and recite/sing (with deep emotion) the doggerel below.

Encourage your audience to echo the last four syllables of the last line of each verse.

Song of the IRS (tune, The Hearse Song)

Well, there ain’t no way to avoid the day

Your taxes come due and you just have to pay

With your hard-earned money and a piece of your soul

And you’ll feel you have fallen in a black hole … in a black hole…

When you read the form of the IRS

Your eyeballs will bulge from the outrage and stress

It’ll mix you up and you will feel like a fool

For it’s written in language not learned in school … not learned in school…

And they’ll target you and they’ll make you mad

They’ll make you feel wretched; they’ll make you feel sad

For they’ll snoop and meddle like a hound on a scent

And the IRS will seize every red cent … ev’ry red cent …

And you always know as you pay and sigh

You’ll have to shell out every year till you die

If you think that you’re done, better think once again

Even though you are dead, your taxes don’t end … taxes don’t end …

For the IRS with a heavy hand

Will sooner or later grab up all your land

And so spend your money and then go till you’re broke

Leave the IRS with a pig in a poke … pig in a poke … ❖


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