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It’s the funnies

An east coast lawyer rolls through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy in the middle of the Fly-Over nation. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy simply because of his upbringing and locale and he is certain that he has a better education then any country rube deputy sheriff.

So, he decides to prove superiority and have some fun at the deputy’s expense.

The deputy says, “License and registration, please.”

“What for?” says the lawyer.

The deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

Then the lawyer says, “I slowed down. I looked both ways and no one was coming. There was no safety issue.”

“You still didn’t come to a complete stop,” says the deputy. “License and registration, please.”

The lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is you have to come to complete stop. That’s the law. License and registration, please!” the deputy repeats politely.

The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration — and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

“That sounds fair,” the deputy says evenly. “Please exit your vehicle, sir.”

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts whaling away on the lawyer’s body. When the lawyer starts yelling out in pain, the deputy says with an edge in his voice, “Do you want me to stop, sir, or just slow down?”

***

Four brothers went to college, and they all had successful careers — one real estate developer, one car dealership owner, one in the entertainment business and one successful mega-rancher and land baron.

One evening during a rare time the brothers got together, they chatted after having dinner together about what birthday gifts they were able to give their 95-year-old mother, who had left the family farm and retired to town.

The builder brother reported, “I had a big fancy home built for mama.”

The brother in the entertainment business said, “And I had an elaborate theater built in the house and piped high fidelity sound into every room.”

The third brother with the car dealership reported, “And I had a top of the line Mercedes car delivered to mama.”

The fourth brother, the rancher and land baron, reported, “Your gifts were nice and expensive for sure, but they were all too materialistic for a 95-year-old lady who basically has everything. I realized how mama loved reading the Bible and I realized she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. Well, I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took 10 preachers almost eight years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to his church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse from the Bible, and the parrot will clearly recite it.”

The other brothers were impressed. A few days later mama sent out her “Thank You” notes.

She wrote the builder son: ”The house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”

She wrote the entertainment son, “You gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing, and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture anyway.”

To the car dealership son she wrote: “I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I’ll never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”

To the rancher-land baron son she wrote: “You were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much. Love, mama.”

***

That story seemed timely to me since we all have a Covid Thanksgiving Day ahead of us.

***

Well, the election is thankfully getting behind us and I’ve learned some things from it.

First, I learned I’m a deplorable person to more than half the population.

Second, I learned that civility is waning — if not on its death bed.

Third, I learned it’s hard for anyone or any group to buy an election in the electronic age.

Fourth, I learned that a lot of questionable voting goes on in the mish-mash of state election laws.

Fifth, I learned that civics should be returned to our school curriculum.

And sixth, and last, I learned that scarcely anyone knows the kind of government we live under in the good ol’ U.S. of A. Any person I talked to, any media talking head I listened to kept up the drumbeat about “American Democracy.”

Folks, we DO NOT live in a democracy. We LIVE in a Constitutional Republic and there’s a huge difference.

If you don’t know the difference, look it up. Google is handy.

That’s my words of wisdom for the week.


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Happy Thanksgiving

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I have been rather preoccupied lately and haven’t been writing my editor’s note. So, for those who have called and emailed to make sure I’m still on this Earth, I’m still here.



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