It’s the Pitts 12-6-10
December 6, 2010
There is more than a slight possibility that this column will alienate, incriminate and exasperate two groups of folks with extremely thin skin: women and horse trainers. These are not normally people you’d want to irritate because they’ve been known to retaliate, but I’ve never been one to use good judgment where a good story was concerned. Besides, if you want to get mad at someone, don’t send your nasty e-mails and letters to me, send them to Les Vogt, the world famous horse trainer who told me this story.
Les Vogt is the man who turned the great horse, King Fritz, into royalty in the equine world. But Les is not just one of the best horse trainers to ever slap on a pair of spurs, he’s also an excellent story teller. I remember with fondness one night many years ago when I was privileged to sit around a camp fire listening to Les and Larry Mahan swap cowboy tales of days gone by.
I see Les about once a year, usually at a cowboy collectible show, and he’s always good for at least one column. And he didn’t disappoint this year. He told me about a fellow horse trainer who owned three dogs with the unusual names of Three, Four and Five. How the dogs got these names is the story that I’m sure will get me in hot water with females, horse trainers and female horse trainers. I would tell you the horse trainer’s name but I fear it would considerably diminish his chances for a long life.
If a woman didn’t kill him I’m sure a horse trainer would.
At first I thought the dogs were named Three, Four and Five because they were sons or grandsons of some great dog the man once owned. Kind of like in Texas where it’s quite common to be introduced to a man named Cuatro or Cinco, so named because they are either the fourth or the fifth person in the family with the same name. I like this system much better than the Roman numeral style where a baby might be named Reginald Vanderbilt Montgomery IV. I find it all rather pompous.
But I was assured that the horse trainer’s dogs were in no way related.
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The horse trainer had a good eye for fine horse flesh and good-looking women. (Some might call the latter highly developed trait a birth defect.) I’ve found it’s quite common to find a ravishing babe on the arm of male horse trainers, although the reverse is not always true. I’ve often seen successful lady horse trainers leading around some real ugly losers. And I’m not talking about their halter horses.
But back to our story. Have I mentioned the horse trainer had a keen eye for hot women? Sadly, he also had the morals of a hydrophobic skunk and whenever a beautiful lady would pass by his eyes automatically locked in on her.
One time the horse trainer was visiting with a friend when a long-stemmed beauty sashayed by. Naturally, their gazes followed every step, as men’s eyes are genetically trained to do.
“I’d sure like to have a woman like that for a girl friend,” the friend said.
“Yeah, she’s top notch. A real looker. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple months now,” the horse trainer bragged.
“She’s your girl friend? What does your wife think about that?”
“She doesn’t know it yet,” replied the horse trainer.
“Well, are you gonna trade up to the better looking and more recent model?”
“I’d really like to,” said the horse trainer, “but I really like my wife’s dog.”
Les didn’t say so but I have a hunch the trainer is married again and when he calls his dogs in addition to Three, Four and Five, there is now a dog named Six. You see, the trainer has a very practical system for naming his dogs. They are named after the former wives they once belonged to.