A rancher decided to diversify into raising buffalo, or bison, to be scientifically correct. Being a cautious type and knowing he would need to borrow a significant amount of money, the rancher asked his banker to accompany him to visit and evaluate a successful buffalo ranch. The banker, also a cautious lender, agreed to make the trip.

When they arrived, the rancher and banker went on a pickup tour of the buffalo ranch. They dually noted that the fencing around the ranch was heavy, high and tight — and expensive. 

They also noted that all the corrals and working facilities were fortified to control the powerful buffalo. Those facilities reeked of expense. The trailers for hauling the buffalo to market were top-of-the-line — and expensive.

They stopped in the middle of a huge pasture to get down to the brass tacks of how much money the rancher would need for his buffalo ranch. The rancher could tell by the frown on the banker’s face that he wuz having second thoughts about the loan. His banker sighed and said, “I’m not sure this is gonna work.”

But then, suddenly a large herd of buffalo came charging and stampeding across the range right at them. 

Suddenly, not 10-feet from the pickup, the lead buffalo slid to a halt, twitched its ears, and the herd behind did the same. 

“Why do you suppose they stopped?” the shaking banker asked. 

“Well,” said the rancher, “You see the leader? He’s got very good ears, and I’m guessing he just heard a discouraging word.”

*** 

One day, a city fellow in a fancy SUV drove into a Flint Hills rancher’s farmstead. He found the owner and sheepishly asked, “How much is that old bull up the road worth to you?” 

The rancher pondered for a moment, then said, “That depends. Are you the tax assessor? Do you want to buy him? Or have you run your car into him?” 

***

Two elderly farmers were ruminating over coffee and donuts at the local co-op and the conversation turned to city relatives who made a habit of “getting away from the strife of city life for a weekend or holiday to enjoy the peace and quiet of the farm.”

“Say, Joe,” said one, “I heard you solved the visiting relatives problem. How’d you ever get rid of all those relatives who used to visit you so often?” 

“It was easy,” Joe replied. “I borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned it to the poor ones. None of ’em ever came back!”

*** 

A farm son had just reached driving age and he kept nagging his Dad for the car for Friday night. He told his Dad, “All I want to do is go to the movie and eat a hamburger and French fries after the movie.”

Finally, in exasperation, his Dad said, “Why on earth do you think God gave you two feet?” 

Without hesitating one second, the teenager replied, “One for the brakes and one for the gas pedal.”

***

Two competitive farming brothers, Pat and Mike, were attending a local fund-raising fish fry to raise money for the local FFA chapter. 

After they found a table, Pat told Mike, “I’ll go bring back a platter of fish.” When the fish arrived, Pat without a second thought took the largest piece. 

“Some manners you have,” said Mike sarcastically. “If I’d have gone and got the fish platter,  I’d have taken the smallest piece and left the biggest for you, dear brother.” 

“Well then, whatcha griping about?” Pat replied. “You got it ain’tcha? You should be happy!” 

***

A bone-tired farmer came into the kitchen after three long, hectic days of planting soybeans. 

When he asked his loving wife “What’s for supper?” She replied, “We’re having hamburger surprise. 

When he snapped, “but this makes hamburger three suppers in a row,” his wife snapped back, “You had it yesterday and the day before … so you certainly didn’t expect to get it again tonight. Surprise!”

*** 

Overheard at the coffee shop: ”A taxpayer is someone who does not have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.”

*** 

Also, “City folks move to the country to raise children, but farmers consider that as only a necessary sideline.”

***

And, finally, words of wisdom for the week: “The search for someone to blame is easy and usually successful.” Have a good ‘un.