Laugh Tracks in the Dust 1-25-10 | TheFencePost.com
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Laugh Tracks in the Dust 1-25-10

Finally – a break in the cold, snowy weather. For the first time in more than three weeks, the temperatures got above freezing for multiple days in a row. I’ll gratefully fight the mud over sub-zero temperatures and snow drifts any day.

***

Times are getting tough all over. I’ve got a good friend, ol’ Owen A. Relick, who has been using an ancient 8N Ford for chore duty for decades. Well, during this cold spell, the old tractor finally gave up the ghost. Not even a mechanical wizard like Owen could get it going again – as he had so many times in the past.

So, Owen faced up to the fact that his old 8N wuz history on his farm and he decided it wuz time to buy another used chore tractor.

But when he went to his local banker, ol’ Silas “Si” N. DeNote, and asked to borrow the money for the replacement tractor, the banker said, “Sorry, Owen, I’m afraid the bank can’t help you at this time. However, I hope that our bank will have the opportunity to be of service to you sometime when your need is not so desperate.”

So, Owen successfully borrowed the money he needed from another bank.

***

Thanks to a kindly Oklahoma reader for this e-mailed story.

The priest for a rural parish wuz out making the rounds among his farmer parishioners. He wuz headed up the lane to one farmhouse when he noticed the farmer’s young son walking next to the fence in a pasture full of steers.

Deciding that he might make a religious point to the youth, the priest stopped the car, hopped out and started talking to the boy. To start the conversation, the priest pointed out to the cattle eating hay in the pasture and asked, “Son, who do you think made those steers out there in your pasture?”

The boy quickly answered, “My Daddy.”

The priest came back gently, “That’s not actually correct. Your father may own those steers, but it wuz God who made them.”

The boy looked at the priest, shook his head, and answered tolerantly, “Father, you are incorrect. God made them bulls. Daddy made them steers!”

***

I’ve got a Missouri farming buddy who has a son attending the University of Missouri – Columbia’s College of Ag.

I hadn’t talked to him for awhile, so I gave him a call a few days ago after the son had returned to school for the spring semester.

In the midst of our conversation, I casually mentioned, “How’s Junior making it in college?”

My friend replied in an instant, “He isn’t making it. I’m making it, and he’s spending it!”

Probably true in lots of cases.

***

From the Western Slope of the Colorado Rockies, a rural judge wuz in court to hear testimony in a case of alleged physical abuse by a rancher on his wife.

When the sheriff took the stand, he said, “Your Honor, this man is charged with beating his wife on a regular basis with an oak leaf.”

“With an oak leaf,” replied the astounded judge. “Why in the world would that be a crime and how could he hurt his wife with an oak leaf?”

That’s when the wife jumped up, pointed an accusing finger at her husband, and yelled, “When he got the oak leaf out of our dining room table!

***

It’s time to clean up some odds and ends of stuff that accumulated during the last decade, so I can start this decade off fresh.

• The number of folks who eat in restaurants and request a doggie bag to take the leftovers home exceeds by 10 percent the entire dog population of the U.S.

• The French word for dining leftovers is “achouffe.” So, the next time you’re planning to dine on leftovers for supper, impress your friends and tell them your main meal is French Achouffe.

• Sign in a small rural town: “Our fire department is like an old maid – always ready, but seldom called for.”

• Hired hand complaining about the “free rent” home furnished by his employer: “His idea of ‘heat’ this winter is to come over every evening and blow his breath through the keyhole.”

• New farm wife complaining to her best friend: “The hardest part about marrying a farmer is getting used to being whistled for, instead of at.”

• Rural school teacher to her class: “Who can name me five things with milk in them?” Little Johnny: “Ice cream, butter, cheese, a nanny goat and a Jersey cow!”

***

Well, I’m not going to milk away any more of your valuable evening “nappy time,” so I’ll close for this week with these patriotic words from Texas Congressman and former presidential candidate Ron Paul: “Deficits mean future tax increases, pure and simple. Deficit spending should be viewed as a tax on future generations, and politicians who create deficits should be exposed as tax hikers.”

Have a good ‘un.


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