Laugh Tracks in the Dust 11-14-11 | TheFencePost.com

Laugh Tracks in the Dust 11-14-11

I love the stories from back in the Dark Ages when I wuz a kid. Times were a lot simpler then, but the true stories were just as funny – if not funnier.

This true story came from my local hardware store owner, ol’ Nutson Boltz. It’s from back in the 1950s when every little town had one or two major farm implement dealers.

Well, this particular Kansas town had an International Harvester dealer on one Main Street corner and an Allis-Chalmers dealer on the corner right across the street.

The International dealer had an old timer, G. Reece Munkee, for its main mechanic. The guy wuz apparently a real character – always ready to make a wise crack, drank probably more than he should, but a good mechanic all the same.

Across the street, the Allis dealer had just hired a new kid, Ace, as one of its mechanics. It didn’t take long for Reece and Ace to strike up a friendly rivalry of one-upmanship. Each tried to stay one step ahead of the other.

On the day of the story, it wuz a nice sunny day and Reece had just finished working on a customer’s rather large IH Farmall tractor. He had it all washed up, sparkling clean ready for the customer to pick up.

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A few minutes later he ambled across the street to find Ace and found the young pup washing up a customer’s tiny AC lawn-mower tractor getting it ready to be picked up.

Getting Ace’s attention, Reece nodded across the street at the big red tractor and said, “Hey, kid. Looky there. That’s what a real tractor looks like.” Ace just grinned and nodded.

Well, later in the day a customer brought in the biggest Allis tractor on the market for some kind of mechanical problem. It wuz Ace’s job to get the tractor all cleaned up getting ready for the repair work.

Ace wuz hosing down the big orange tractor when Reece dropped by to borrow a wrench he needed. As soon as he popped into Ace’s view, the kid grinned and said, “Hey, Reece. Looky here. Here’s what happens when you keep watering an Allis tractor. It grows into a REALLY BIG tractor.”

That comment stopped ol’ Reece in his tracks and he didn’t have any suitable retort.

***

Here’s a not true story from my preacher friend Saul M. Reeder.

A rural church hired a young preacher fresh out of the seminary. Naturally, the young minister wanted to meet as many of his potential parishioners as quickly as he could, so he got into his car and started driving the rural roads.

Soon, he came upon a farmer working in his field. Wanting to make a good impression, the new preacher introduced himself and said to the farmer, “I see you’re laboring in the vineyard of the Lord today, my good man?”

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, “Naw, this is a corn field, not a grape vineyard.”

“You don’t understand,” said the preacher. “You are a Christian, aren’t you?”

With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, “Nope, my name is Jones. You must be lookin’ for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here.”

The young determined preacher tried again, asking the farmer, “Are you lost?”

“Nope! I’ve lived here all my life,” the man of the soil replied.

In frustration, the new preacher blurted out, “Are you prepared for the resurrection?” 

This remark caught the farmer’s attention and he asked, “When’s it gonna be?”

Thinking he wuz making progress,  the young preacher perked up and replied, “It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day.” 

Wiping the sweat off his brow with a handkerchief taken from his back pocket, the farmer furrowed his brow and replied, “Well, don’t think I’m interested, but don’t mention it to my wife. She don’t get out much and she’ll wanna go all three days.”

***

And, a generous Wyoming reader e-mailed this story. A generous, prosperous farmer wuz preparing to retire and sell his land. As an act of charity, he decided to give away his farm animals to needy folks in his community. So he went to every house in his town. 

To the houses where the man wuz the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman wuz the boss, he gave a chicken. 

On one road he saw a couple outside gardening. “Who’s the boss around here?” he asked. 

“I am.” said the man. 

“Well then, I have a black horse and a brown horse,” the farmer said, “I’m giving them away today. Which one would you like?” 

The man thought for a minute and said, “The black one.” 

“No, no, no, get the brown one.” the man’s wife said. 

“Here’s your chicken, ma’am.” said the generous farmer. 

***

Well I’ve been more than generous with words with week, so I won’t ask you to be more generous of your time. I’ll close for the week with these few words of wisdom about chickens from Henry Ford, founder of Ford Motor Company. He said, “Business is never so healthy as when, like a chicken, it must do a certain amount of scratching around for what it gets.”

Have a good ‘un.