Laugh Tracks in the Dust 11-16-09
November 17, 2009
Fall harvest time is always a stressful time. This fall has been especially stressful becuz lots of areas have suffered from too much rainfall.
I’ve heard of lots of things happening to combines to bring the fall harvest to a screeching halt, but my buddy, ol’ Parker Loosely, came up with a new one last week.
Parker bought a brand new combine, probably cost around a quarter of a million bucks, becuz he wanted to whip through the fall harvest with no breakdowns. Well, he’d been kept out of his soybean fields for a week or so because of wet weather and when he finally experienced a few days of nice weather, he wuz chomping at the bit to fire that new combine up and have a nice long, worry-free day harvesting beans.
Didn’t work out quite as he’d envisioned. When Parker climbed up in his new combine and turned the switch on, what greeted him wuz one God-awful racket emitting from the engine area.
When he shut his machine off, imagine his chagrin when he discovered he’d diced up a nice, fat raccoon that had been sleeping next to the engine. He’d chopped up that raccoon with his engine fan blade and some portion of the carcass had penetrated the radiator.
Turns out, it wuz a $2,500 radiator repair that took all day to get fixed. Last I knew, he’d resumed harvest with no other mishap – other than fighting the mud.
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Another friend of mine, ol’ Bitson Bytes, tells me that he and his family recently gathered in the family’s living room to discuss how Bitson wanted to pass along the farm to his kids, if something wuz to happen to him.
Bitson told me he told his kids, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent up some machine and some fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens to me, just pull the plug and let me go.
“So, what happened next is that his kids got up, unplugged his computer and DTN machine, and poured out his beer.”
Bitson says he may have to re-think the whole inheritance thing.
A kindly reader from Wyoming sent me this story.
A farm wife walks in an optical store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.
“What seems to be the problem, madam?” asked the salesman.
The farm wife replied, “I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband because he’s still not seeing things my way.”
My guess is there are a lot of other farm wives in the same situation.
I’ve written this column for more than 35 years and I’ve never published an original recipe for my readers.
Well, recently I had an occasion to whip up a huge batch of beef stew for a bunch of hungry cowboys on a rainy day. The way they snarfed it down, it must have been good – although one of ’em did say, “Milo, I think you’ve made up vegetable beef soup, not stew.”
Whatever! Call it “Everything But the Kitchen Sink Stew/Soup” if you want. Here’s the recipe:
Flint Hills Rainy Day Beef Stew
1 pound Left-over roast beef, diced
1 quart Homemade spicy-hot salsa juice
1 quart Homemade V-8 juice
1 pint Canned tomatoes
1 quart Frozen sweet corn
1 pint Green beans
1 pint Canned carrots
1 pint Frozen peas
1 pint Frozen okra
1 large Onion, diced
3 stalks Celery, sliced
1 large Green pepper, shell only
1 small Jalapeno peppers, seeds and all
2 small Long green hot peppers, seeds and all
1 pint Potatoes, cooked
3 small Fresh turnips
3 large leaves Fresh turnip greens
3 large leaves Fresh kale
1 cup Elbow macaroni
1 cup Instant brown rice
1 tablespoon Dried garlic, or two mashed garlic cloves
1/2 teaspoon Celery seed
1 teaspoon Ground basil leaves
1 packet Instant beef bouillon
Spices: (add to taste) salt, fresh ground black pepper, cayenne pepper, onion salt, celery salt.
Mix into electric roaster, heat at 225 degrees until fresh vegetables are cooked.
Serves: At least eight hungry cowboys with plenty of leftovers.
While you’re contemplating where to come up with all the ingredients for my recipe, I’ll close with these patriotic words from former President Bill Clinton: “The most important family policy, urban policy, labor policy, minority policy, and foreign policy America can have is an expanding entrepreneurial economy of high-wage, high-skilled jobs.”
Have a good ‘un.