Laugh Tracks in the Dust 12-6-10 | TheFencePost.com

Laugh Tracks in the Dust 12-6-10

Well, the turkey is digested, the pounds are bulging around my middle, and I had a lot I was thankful for on Thanksgiving Day. The biggest thanks was being surrounded by a loving family.

I received an e-mail with an anonymous story about why Thanksgiving Day is the preferred holiday. Here are some excerpts from the story:

“I’ll take Thanksgiving. You can have Halloween, New Year’s, Christmas, Fourth of July, Easter, Hanukkah and any day dedicated to presidents. You can stack them all up on one side, and the turkey and I will stand on the other. I’ll take Thanksgiving every time.

“It is, to me, exactly what a holiday should be – no gifts, you never have to worry about what to get someone for Thanksgiving or how much to spend … The spirit of Thanksgiving is eating. Who could forget that?

“Secondly, it comes with football. What other holiday does that? New Year’s Day? But at least with Thanksgiving, you don’t have a hangover … There is no church or synagogue. No graves that must be visited. No trekking out to watch fireworks. You just sit on the couch, or at the table, and you laugh and eat and laugh and burp … Did I mention the dressing? Not the turkey dressing. The human dressing. There isn’t any! Oh, sure, maybe you put on a nice pair of pants. Maybe. But who really dresses up for Thanksgiving? You can celebrate in a sweatshirt.

“Thanksgiving never moves. It is always on a Thursday, strategically placed so that you might as well take off Friday as well, since Saturday and Sunday are next … Thanksgiving gets you half a week off. What does Labor Day get you? Monday? … And there is no shopping on Thanksgiving, unlike Memorial Day or Presidents Day. Sure, there are Thanksgiving sales, but you do them on Friday! How cool is that? Also, there are no masks. You don’t beg for candy from strangers. And nobody eggs your house.

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“Tell me there’s anything better than a meal that goes all day and into the night, that doesn’t have an event tied to it, that doesn’t come with a bill at the end. Tell me there’s anything better than only having to catch up with your aunts, uncles and cousins to feel like you did the holiday proud. Tell me there’s anything easier, or more satisfying, than passing plates. Tell me there’s any better place to appreciate what you have than in a kitchen filled with good smells and good food. Tell me there’s a better invention than ‘the kids’ table.’

“And what holiday not only condones, but pretty much expects you to fall asleep on the couch?

“So let’s sum up: No costumes, no presents, no church services, no tuxedoes, no time limit, no guilt trips, and all the food, naps and football you want. I’ll take Thanksgiving. After all, no one tries to sit on the turkey’s lap and ask for an Xbox or an iPod.”

***

Four middle-aged cowboys – all life-long friends and high school classmates – were wanting to go to an arena team roping scheduled the same day as their 25th class reunion. Their wives had attended the same high school, too.

They all knew going to the roping would cause a family dispute with their wives and they speculated how nice it would be if they could figger out a way to get their wives consent to go without a family argument ensuing.

They finally decided they’d just go to the roping, come hell or high water, and each man had to figger out how to handle his personal family situation.

So, early on the morning of the roping, they met at the local rodeo grounds, load their horses and equipment in a 4-horse herringbone trailer, and head off to their destination 100 miles away.

En route, the first cowboy says, “Boy this roping cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it and is excited to show it off to her classmates – without me being there!”

The second cowboy pipes up, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures and can’t wait to talk to her classmates about the trip, without me being there.”

The third cowboy says “Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car. She can’t wait to drive it to the class reunion and park it right next to the school entrance, without me being there.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such expense to get permission to go to this roping. This morning, I gave my wife a kiss on the cheek and said, ‘Well babe! It’s a great morning for us to move the cows to their winter pasture … or, if you don’t want to, I could go to a team roping.’ She said, ‘Don’t forget to wear your new flannel-lined denim jacket and take an extra rope this time.'”

***

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving Day as much as I did. Now I’ll make you thankful once again by quitting this column right now with this thanksgiving quote from Charles Haddon Spurgeon: “You say, ‘If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.’ You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled.”

Have a good ‘un.