Laugh Tracks in the Dust 4-26-10 | TheFencePost.com
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Laugh Tracks in the Dust 4-26-10

I see that Topeka, Kan., is trying to get Google to pick the Kansas capital city as a place to install its broadband Internet service. In fact, Topeka went so far as to renames itself Google, Kan., for a few days in hopes of attracting beneficial attention to itself.

Well, a rancher friend of mine says Google ought to pick the entire state of Kansas for broadband Internet service because Kansas always has been well ahead of other states in modern communications.

To prove his point, my friend pointed out what he called “historical facts.”



A few months ago, after having dug to a depth of 10 feet, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a longhaired California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: “California archaeologists, finding 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than New Yorkers.”



One week later. A local newspaper in Kansas reported the following: “After excavating as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Chanute, Kan., ‘Digger’ Ditsch, a self-taught agrarian archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Digger therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Kansas had already gone wireless.”

Just makes a person proud to be from Kansas, doesn’t it?

***

My thanks to a faithful e-mailer from Newkirk, Okla., for this sick aggie joke.

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

***

OK, here are a few “shorties” to give you a chuckle.

My friend, ol’ Windy Bloen, is a meteorologist for a television station in Tulsa, Okla. The other night, he and his intern left the station late one evening after a long day putting together an accurate 24-hour weather forecast.

When Windy arrived at his pickup truck, he slapped his forehead and asked his junior weatherman, “Hey, did you remember to shut the office window next to our computers? Never know when it might rain.”

***

Overheard conversation between two retired farmers in a small town coffee shop:

“Sure been having a few nice days lately. Makes me wish I wuz a barefoot boy again back on the farm in my childhood.”

Reply: “Not me. I grew up on a turkey farm.”

***

Ol’ Russell D. Emcows, got caught stealing a bunch of cow critters from a Lamar, Colo., ranch. He is a habitual cattle rustler.

When Russell wuz hauled before the judge for sentencing after being convicted for the third time, the judge leaned forward, put his elbows in the bench, and asked, “I should just toss you into the slammer and throw away the key. But before sentencing, is there anything you’ve done for humanity of a positive nature that I should take into account before pronouncing your sentence?”

Ol’ Russell earnestly replied, “Your honor, please remember what I’ve done for employment in this state. I’ve kept four brand inspectors, three detectives, numerous sheriffs and deputies fully employed for 10 years.”

***

Recently a good friend of mine in Iowa retired from a career as a milk quality assurance guy for a major dairy organization. This friend, I might add, is a major talker. He knows something about everything and everything about a little. He’s a quick wit, too. Upon his retirement, his friends and colleagues had a “retirement roast” for him.

One of the speakers at the roast wuz the organization’s lawyer. While he wuz roasting my friend, the lawyer put his hands in his pockets and said, “It’s inspiring to see the retiree put into a position where he has to listen for a change.”

When it wuz time for my friend to respond to the attorney, he said, “And it’s so refreshing to see a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets for a change.”

***

Well, I’m gonna change into “shut down” mode for this week with these words of wisdom about lawyers from Henry Broughah: “Lawyers are learned gentlemen who rescue your estate from your enemies and keep it for themselves.”

Have a good ‘un.


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