Laugh Tracks in the Dust 6-1-09 | TheFencePost.com
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Laugh Tracks in the Dust 6-1-09

We’ve finally had a week of good weather for outdoor work on the heels of our recent flood. I mentioned that my good buddy, ol’ Albie Kirkee, from New Mexico wuz coming for a week of fishing with me.

I wuz afraid all the high water would have the ponds so riled up the fish wouldn’t bite, but that wuzn’t the case. We caught fish every day and sent a bunch of fillets with Albie back to New Mexico.

You can’t fish for a week without something funny happening. Well, something happened to me that wuz both funny and a bit expensive.

After the flood, my neighbor and a teenage friend of his went catfishing in the flood waters flowing into a pond. The teen needed to leave his pole untended for just a minute, so he propped it up in some tree roots that he thought would tend his rod if he got a bite.

Wrong! When he came back a few minutes later, no rod, no reel, no nuthin’! Yep, presumably a big catfish hit his bait and dislodged his entire fishing rig and pulled it into the flood waters.

Well, when I heard that story, I thought it wuz really funny and razzed the kid quite a bit. His story wuzn’t nearly so funny two days later when Albie and I were fishing the same pond after the water went down.

I had my best rod and reel rigged and baited with cut shad, a bait that stinks so bad that I often wonder if I ought to eat a fish that will eat cut shad.

Albie and I were fishing on a rocky point when I needed to put a big bluegill into the fish basket that I’d caught on another rod. So, I wedged the butt of my rod into the crack between two big rocks and told Albie to watch my rod and catch any fish that bit my bait.

As I had my back turned, I heard a big splash and turned expecting to see Albie fighting a big fish. Instead, he had a sheepish look on his face and said, “A fish just pulled your entire rig into the water!”

“I thought I told you to watch it,” I quipped.

“I did. I watched the fish pull it into the water. It happened too fast to do anything.”

Well, the new reel cost about $35, including shipping and handling from Cabela’s. I have an extra rod.

However, I have had to withstand a bunch of razzing from my teenage friend and others who heard the story.

Well, I love to tell funny stories on others. I guess I can’t exclude myself.

***

You just have to love fisherman stories. Four Minnesota young farmers ” Ole, Swen, Lars, and Knute ” were all spending a week at fishing camp. No one wanted to room with Swen because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

So, by luck of the draw, Lars got the short straw and had to sleep in the same room with Swen the first night. Lars comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

Ole and Knute said, “Man, what happened to ya’?”

Lars said, “Swen snored so loudly. I just sat up and watched him all night. Didn’t get a wink of sleep, you betcha.”

The next night it was Knute’s turn to sleep in the same room with Swen. In the morning, same thing ” hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

Ole said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”

Knute said, “Ya, for sure, dat Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night and didn’t sleep at all.”

The third night was Ole’s turn. The next morning Ole came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and Swen looked like heck. “Good morning!” Ole said. Lars and Knute couldn’t believe it. They said, “Man, what happened?”

Ole said, “Well, ve got ready for bed. I vent and tucked dat Swen into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Swen sat up and watched me all night.”

***

A few days after the above happened, Swen was driving from his farm to town and he drove past Ole’s house and saw a sign that said “Boat For Sale.”

This confused Swen because he knew that Ole didn’t own a boat, so on his way home he decided to go in and ask Ole about it.

“Hey Ole,” said Swen, “I noticed da sign in your yard dat says ‘Boat For Sale,’ but ya been bumming boats rides for years and don’t even have a boat. All ya have is your old John Deere tractor and your riding lawn mower.”

Ole looked at Swen calmly and replied, “Yup, so what’s da big deal? My sign says they’re boat for sale.”

***

Well, I imagine that “a’boat” all the bad fishing stories you can stomach from me for this week. So, I’ll close with these words of wisdom from Founding Father James Madison about the Constitution: “Do not separate text from historical background. If you do, you will have perverted and subverted the Constitution, which can only end in a distorted, bastardized form of illegitimate government.”

Have a good ‘un.


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