Laugh Tracks in the Dust 6-14-10
You came close to not getting to read your column this week becuz my computer crashed – completely – the belated day I started to write it. I’ve operated with Mac computers since the first ones were built in the mid-1980s and this wuz the first time I’d had one crash.
It wouldn’t do anything but turn off and on.
But, thanks to a helpful techie from Mac’s home office in California, I wuz able to rebuild my operating system and update all my software in time to get my column written just before deadline.
Last weekend I celebrated my 50th high school class reunion. There wuz only 20 in my graduating class and 11 made it to the reunion – seven guys and four girls. We had an afternoon party and then went to the banquet that evening. As I sat at the banquet with a dear witty classmate from California whom I hadn’t seen for 20 years, he looked around the room and commented, “I thought I was coming to a class reunion. Not sure I’d have come if I’d known it was gonna be a rest home reunion!”
He did have a point.
After the reunion, another classmate from Texas came to spend a couple of days with me at Damphewmore Acres. He had a funny story to tell.
Years ago he suffered a traumatic industrial accident that nearly killed him, and left him with an prosthetic eye.
He told me that on the day he wuz to be fitted for his ceramic eye, he shared a doctor and a waiting room with an old Hell’s Angel biker guy. The biker told my friend that he’d been wearing his artificial first “decorative” prosthetic eye for 20 years and wuz in to get it replaced with a new more normal looking one.
When my friend asked the biker what wuz decorative about his first artificial eye, the biker grinned and said the pupil in his first eye wuz the insignia of a Harley Davidson motorcycle.
I told my friend he needed to get an insignia of a Texas Longhorn for the pupil of his next ceramic eye – if it can’t be useful, it could at least be entertaining.
I’ve got another good friend, ol’ Finn Ketcher, who raises and sells fish as a sideline enterprise. Well, last week Finn had something happen to him that warrants retelling.
He wuz preparing to get into his boat to go feed his caged fish, but when he stepped into the boat, it moved away from him, he lost his balance and fell into the boat, which overturned right on top of Finn.
Luckily, the water wuz only chest deep and Finn survived with only a good ol’ bath in pond water. But he lost his glasses and the battery out of his boat, plus his trolling motor got a good soaking.
However, his son found his glasses and retrieved the boat, battery and motor.
Funny thing, Finn wears overalls and his cell phone, billfold and “record” notebook were all in his upper overall pockets and survived the dip with no permanent damage.
A couple of weeks ago, ol’ Nevah came in the house and told me there wuz a big blacksnake crawling outside our garage. When I looked, it wuz indeed a huge blacksnake – big enuf to eat eggs and baby chicks.
However, I’m pretty much live and let live when it comes to predators that eat rodents, except when I catch them in the act. Well, this blacksnake wuz minding his own bizness, except for being too close to the house, so I decided to catch him and move him several miles away to an unoccupied area of the Flint Hills and let him live to catch rodents.
I got a hoe and pressed down on his head and got a good hold on it with a gloved hand. But then I got a little more than I bargained for. That snake wuz so long and stout that he curled around my right forearm so tightly that I couldn’t get him off with my left hand and into the box I had ready.
I finally had to coax ol’ Nevah to put on her gloves and unwrap that snake from my arm so I could “box” it. We finally did and I released the snake with no damage done to him or me.
However, that snake wuz so strong I don’t know how they capture those boa constrictors, pythons and anacondas that I see on TV – even with eight or 10 strong guys.
Well, I’m gonna wimp out for this week with this quote about snakes from Ross Perot, the Texas billionaire and former independent candidate for President: “If you see a snake, just kill it – don’t appoint a committee on snakes.”
Have a good ‘un.
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