Laugh Tracks in the Dust 7-26-10 | TheFencePost.com

Laugh Tracks in the Dust 7-26-10

Peacock is a cattle buyer and he’s been involved in the cattle bizness in Chase County for all his long life. That means his beef industry remembrances date back to the times when cattle were driven to railroad pens one day and loaded on railcars headed to market the next. Hence, the following story he told me recently.

One of the cattlemen in the county wuz a shady dealer. He had a negative reputation and folks kept a close eye on him and his activities.

One day this shady guy had a drove of branded cattle on the trail to the cattle pens when he rode past a farmstead where the farmer had a milch cow and her calf in a pen. The shady character simply reached down, unlatched the gate and separated the calf from the cow and put the calf into his herd of cattle.

Well, that evening when the farmer went out to milk his cows, he noticed his calf missing, put two and two together about the cattle drive, and headed to the cattle pens. There he found his calf mixed in with the shady guy’s cattle.

So, the farmer summoned the local lawman and had him investigate. The discussion turned into a “he said and he said” dispute with both principals claiming the calf wuz his.

So, the lawman proposed a solution. Since it wuz dusk and the train wouldn’t be in until later the next day, he said they would drive the calf back to the farmer’s place in the morning and see if the cow claimed the calf. That would prove ownership.

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And, that’s what happened. However, the outcome wuz a little different than anyone but the shady cattleman expected. When they got the calf to the farm, it immediately went to sucking the milch cow – proving the calf belonged to the cow.

However, upon closer inspection, the lawman saw that the cow wuz branded with the shady cattleman’s brand. Yep, the shady dealer had branded the cow during the night and now claimed both the cow and calf as his.

Peacock didn’t recall if the illegal branding scheme worked or not.

One thing’s for sure – the shady guy didn’t improve his reputation in the deal.

***

Our friend and neighbor, ol’ Fahren Wyde, and his wife are totally remodeling the kitchen in their home. We’re talking moving walls, electrical and plumbing, tearing out the old cabinets and putting in custom-made ones, new appliances, new pantry and a built-in ironing board.

The last thing to go wuz the old patterned flooring – to be replaced by an entirely new floor. And, therein lies a poignant story.

On the day the carpenter wuz tearing out the old linoleum, one of the Wyde’s young grandsons wuz visiting.

As the carpenter started tearing out the old flooring, the grandson watched intently and then quietly asked what wuz happening. Grandma Wyde explained that they were putting in a new floor.

The grandson looked real sad and said, “I don’t want you to do it, grandma.”

When pressed for his reason, the little guy said, “Because I won’t have my fields to farm anymore.”

And, it wuz true. The grandson had played with his toy tractors and implements on Grandma’s old linoleum which wuz patterned like “fields.”

After that, Grandma had to do some serious explaining and promising into the future to get her grandson back on her side of the kitchen remodeling.

***

And from Collinsville, Okla., came this story in the mail.

A young farm guy got discharged from active duty in the Marines after serving in Iraq and enrolled in college.

In one of his classes, he wuz surprised to find out that his professor wuz an avowed atheist – who said he’d prove there is no God.

The professor looked at the ceiling and yelled, “God, if you are real, then knock me down right here at the lectern. I’ll give you 15 minutes.”

As the professor continued lecturing, he kept looking at his wristwatch and doing a countdown – “10 minutes left, God … 5 minutes left, God.”

Finally, just as time was about to expire, the ex-aggie Marine rose from his seat, strode to the lectern and decked the professor – knocked him clear to the ground.

As the professor roused himself and cleared his head, after he regained his senses, he angrily asked, “What’s the matter with you? Why’d you do that?”

The ex-Marine cooly answered, “God was busy. He sent me!”

***

Enuf for this week. I’ll close with these words of wisdom from the Rev. Billy Graham: “A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.”

Have a good ‘un.