Laugh Tracks in the Dust 7-27-09
Sometimes I can be too dumb for words. But, since words are the tools of the columnist’s trade, I must resort to them to describe my latest example of DUMB!
I wuz sitting on our couch watching television one afternoon when I decided to use my cell phone to call one of my friends.
I picked up the television remote control and punched it onto “mute” so the TV wouldn’t interfere with my conversation. About that time, the call went through and my friend answered.
So, we talked for 15 minutes and then I wanted to resume the TV sound. But where wuz the TV remote? It wuzn’t on the end tables. It wuzn’t on the coffee table. It wuzn’t under the cushions of either the couch or my easy chair. I wuz perplexed.
Then I remembered I’d wandered into the kitchen during the conversation. So, I looked over the kitchen high and low. No remote. So, back to the living room I went.
I got on the floor and looked under everything. Still no remote. I moved the couch from the wall and looked behind it. Still no remote.
I wuz at my wit’s end. How could a TV remote simply disappear into thin air?
About that time, I heard my dogs barking, and pulled back the drapes a bit to take a look outside.
Surprise! There wuz my “lost” TV remote, laying on the window sill behind the drapes behind the couch. I’d absentmindedly placed it on the sill while my shallow mind wuz occupied with a phone conversation. Boy, did I feel dumb! No, I really was dumb!
Overheard conversation between two dairymen: “Dairy farming is like jail, only in jail you don’t have to milk cows two or three times a day.”
Comment: From that description, I guess writing a column every week is kind of like dairying.
Overheard conversation between two ranchers discussing their summer hired help: “I always hire teenagers while they still know everything.”
Comment: Guess that’s why I never had trouble finding jobs five decades ago when I wuz a teenager.
Overheard conversation between two farmers discussing taxes: “I think the U.S. is the only country in the world where it takes more brains to figure your taxes then to earn the money to pay them!”
Comment: I’ve felt that way before, too. I guess that’s why accountants were invented.
Overheard conversation about dogs: “My dog is the only thing on Earth that loves me more than he loves himself.”
Comment: That’s why dogs are man’s best friend.
Overheard in a rural coffee shop: “Getting involved in other people’s business in like watching two bulls fighting. It’s entertaining if you don’t get caught in the middle.”
Comment: Most folks have too much going on in their own lives to worry about anyone else’s.
Overheard at a farmer’s 50th wedding anniversary party: “The secret to a long marriage is to stick with one model … the same with tractors!”
Comment: I’ve only had one wife, but several tractor models.
Overheard rural punster: “I never felt wanted as a child. My mother used to wrap up my school lunches in road maps.”
Comment: Once when I wuz a little kid, I got mad and said I was running away from home. My mom accommodated me by wrapping up a knapsack on a broom handle and wishing me well. I relented and came home after a short half-mile hike.
Overheard conversation about a young cowboy’s failed romance: “Turns out she didn’t want a ‘go-getter’ after all. She wanted an ‘already-gotter.'”
Comment: Sad, but probably true!
Overheard negative comment about a farmer’s wife: “She does bird imitations … watches me like a hawk, talks like a parrot, eats like a hummingbird, and acts like an old buzzard.”
Comment: No comment!
I guess you’re ready for something with a little more substance, so I’ll close for this week with a quote from Founding Father George Washington: “A primary object … should be the education of our youth in the science of government. In a Republic, what species of knowledge can be equally important? And, what duty more pressing … than communicating it to those who are to be the future guardians of the liberties of the country?”
Have a good ‘un.
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