Laugh Tracks in the Dust 7-6-09
Here’s a great humorous story, compliments of a kindly reader from up around Sioux City, Iowa.
A Missouri crop farmer and his wife moved to Texas to see if they could raise more profitable crops in the Lone Star state.
Well, they had nuthin’ but bad luck farming in Texas. A hurricane wiped out their crops one year. A drought brought disaster the next year. And during the third year, the husband had a farming accident that literally cost him his right leg. So, out of funds, he resorted to the cheapest wooden prosthetic leg he could buy.
But, when he found out it would cost him more than $2,000 per year to insure his wooden leg in Texas, that wuz the last straw. He and his wife moved back home to Missouri where they still had kinfolks and figgered they could eke out a living somehow.
When they arrived in Missouri, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said: “$39 per year.”
The farmer was shocked and asked the insurance agent why it was so cheap in Missouri to insure a wooden leg that cost him $2,000 to cover in Texas!
The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, “Well, here it is on the screen. It says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it, is $39. You just have to know how to describe what you want insured to get the lowest rate!”
Those Show Me state folks know how to “git ‘er done,” don’t they?
An elderly rancher and his wife went to a huge Wally-World Super Center shopping for their monthly groceries, prescriptions, etc.
To hasten their shopping, he went one way with a shopping cart and she went another.
After an hour, he started looking for his wife, but all to no avail. He walked and walked but couldn’t find her.
So, out of long experience, the grizzled rancher approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
“Excuse me,” he said. “I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, “Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?”
The old cowboy replied, “I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman as attractive as you in public, my wife appears out of nowhere like magic.”
Mildred was the church gossip at a little rural Nebraska church. For years and years, as self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, she kept sticking her nose into other people’s business.
Several members did not approve of her gossipy activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
But then, Mildred made a mistake. A new handsome middle-aged single farmer, by the name of Getz E. Vann, moved into the community and joined Mildred’s church.
It didn’t take but a couple of weeks before Mildred accused Mr. Getz of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told Getz and several others within hearing range that everyone seeing his truck parked there would know what he was doing there.
Typical of most farmers, Getz, a man of few words, stared at her with hard and knowing eyes for a moment and then just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, Getz quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house, walked home and left it there all night.
I guess the gossip really started the next day.
A young rodeo bull rider kept getting thrown hard by the bulls he wuz trying to ride.
Finally, he got thrown hard enuf that it knocked him out cold. After the ambulance took him to the hospital ER and the emergency room crew revived him a bit, one of his buddies came by the hospital to check on his well-being.
When the friend asked the bull rider what the doctor has told him about the accident, the bull rider, still a bit discombobulated from the hard spill, told his friend, “Well, doc said that if I had a brain, I’d have had a concussion.”
Well, if I write any more this week, you might get a brain cramp. So, I’m gonna quit with these words of wisdom from former president Lyndon B. Johnson about America: “For this is what America is all about. It is the uncrossed desert and the unclimbed ridge. It is the star that is not reached and the harvest that is sleeping in the unplowed ground.”
Have a good ‘un.
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