Mad Jack Hanks: Tales from the O-NO Ranch 3-14-11 | TheFencePost.com

Mad Jack Hanks: Tales from the O-NO Ranch 3-14-11

Mad Jack Hanks
Wellington, Colo.

A couple of days ago, gentle readers, one of the waitresses at the T Bar overheard me saying that I was still on “dial up.”

“You are kidding me? You mean they still have ‘dial up?'”

I felt a little embarrassed and went home in shame. Yes, I really should get somewhat updated and live in the same world as everyone else around me.

I called my phone company which offers a variety of bundling options. Of course, you don’t get a real person first. You have to wander aimlessly through the jungle of stupid questions by a computer and then punch this number or that number on your phone before you get a real person to talk to. If you screw up and punch the wrong number, you might have to start all over again from scratch. I finally got a real person who immediately transferred me to another service out of state where upon I get another recording and I start through another annoying process of stupid questions and number punching.

Then AT LAST I get a real person who signs me up to DLS high speed internet. He will send me a package with the appropriate items to hook up my computer so I will have high speed internet. I am so happy with myself for doing this.

The package arrived today and I open it and discover that I may not have all the items necessary to get hooked up. I have, of course, asked prior advice from folks who know and understand this type of hook up and I began to feel like John Wayne in pink underwear. This don’t look right. I call my phone company and they tell me I never signed up for the high speed internet service. Before it was all said and done, a young lady and I were screaming at each other. I tried to explain to her that I talked to Steve in Arizona and he signed me up and what the charges would be and what my account number was.

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“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Hank, I didn’t know you were talking about ————- company. Let me give you their service number and you can clear this all up with them.”

I thanked her and said I was sorry for raising my voice. She followed suite. I called the service number and of course you get put on hold and then you listen to the computer and punch numbers on your phone and eventually you get a real person who listens to you and then says, “I’ll be right back.” Of course you get disconnected and you start over.

The long and the short of it, children, was after going through the whole process again, the computer told me they didn’t service my area and there was nothing they could do to help me. “Have a nice day!” she offered. A NICE DAY, A NICE DAY!! Are you kiddin’ me? I boxed up the parts they sent me and called Fed Ex and they came and picked it up and I must tell you, I am glad to be back to dial up and I won’t have to talk to that stupid computer any more today.

You want to create jobs in this country – put real people on these phones and presto! The unemployment rates go down and folks like me and you don’t have high blood pressure all the time.

Stay tuned, check yer cinch on occasion and I’ll c ya’ll, all ya’ll!